Today is a low day, and because of the emotion I'm feeling, I'm turning to my favorite creative outlet - writing. I feel fortunate that I have the space and time to capture my state of being this morning and to use this opportunity to reflect on the strength of what I'm feeling.
I've spent the last few years of my life in this fantastic place - cultivating YES! I made a personal decision to accept the beautiful opportunities that life presented me each day. I chose to jump in and live fully - saying yes to all the possibilities around me. Opening myself up to each moment. Laughing, loving, playing...
So it's been very draining, especially in the last few weeks as Spring has exerted its own influence to burst forth and dance, to say no. No to friends. No to family members. No to myself. No to playing outdoors and soaking in the sunshine. No to weekend getaways. No to late nights partying. No to frivolous time. No to hours engrossed in a book. No to movies and indulgences. No to hours of shagging. No to letting go and being in the moment.
I recognize that this situation is both short-term and of my own choosing. And I know, intellectually, that doing this MBA will open up doors for me in so many fantastic ways. I also know that I am having fun and I am learning an immense amount - new skills, new tools for my toolbox, new challenges that are molding me and shaping me.
But saying no is so tiresome. It drains me. It makes me feel like I'm missing out. It makes me feel closed. I find I get irritable because I don't just say yes (and oh, how I want to!). I find I feel wounded and defensive instead of open and generous. I find it feels like time passes so quickly away from me, instead of it feeling like I have all the time in the world.
I've decided that today is a yes day. I challenge myself to say yes to whatever comes about. Yes to making the most of the moment. Yes to taking time to talk to a friend. Yes to breathing, smiling, feeling. I cannot change the fact that I'm on this path for the next 10 months, but I can change how I want to experience this journey. I can change today.
I've spent the last few years of my life in this fantastic place - cultivating YES! I made a personal decision to accept the beautiful opportunities that life presented me each day. I chose to jump in and live fully - saying yes to all the possibilities around me. Opening myself up to each moment. Laughing, loving, playing...
So it's been very draining, especially in the last few weeks as Spring has exerted its own influence to burst forth and dance, to say no. No to friends. No to family members. No to myself. No to playing outdoors and soaking in the sunshine. No to weekend getaways. No to late nights partying. No to frivolous time. No to hours engrossed in a book. No to movies and indulgences. No to hours of shagging. No to letting go and being in the moment.
I recognize that this situation is both short-term and of my own choosing. And I know, intellectually, that doing this MBA will open up doors for me in so many fantastic ways. I also know that I am having fun and I am learning an immense amount - new skills, new tools for my toolbox, new challenges that are molding me and shaping me.
But saying no is so tiresome. It drains me. It makes me feel like I'm missing out. It makes me feel closed. I find I get irritable because I don't just say yes (and oh, how I want to!). I find I feel wounded and defensive instead of open and generous. I find it feels like time passes so quickly away from me, instead of it feeling like I have all the time in the world.
I've decided that today is a yes day. I challenge myself to say yes to whatever comes about. Yes to making the most of the moment. Yes to taking time to talk to a friend. Yes to breathing, smiling, feeling. I cannot change the fact that I'm on this path for the next 10 months, but I can change how I want to experience this journey. I can change today.
1 comments:
Saying "NO" is indeed hard. I rebelled against it all and had a movie marathon with my kids and husband. 6 movies in 24 hours. Remarkably, the pain in my shoulder went away after this wee act of rebellion.
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