Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Ch-ch-ch-changes...
I find it fascinating how changes in my life make their way into my psyche. How they ride the undercurrent of my emotions and my perspective. How they weave themselves into moments of poignancy and nostalgia, and how they manifest themselves in my dreams.
Little life changes, big moves, new paths to explore, things that impact me directly and immediately, and things that I know lie just beyond the horizon.. things that are coming.
A few things are changing right now. Today.
Sue left Ottawa and moved to a new job and a new city. A dear friend and soul sister of mine, growing and changing and challenging herself in a beautiful, positive way.
I started a new job last week in a totally different career, marketing. A personal leave of familiar faces and places and a jump in the deep, dark part of the lake with both feet - immediately busy, challenged, and working in a very dynamic and quiet work environment.
A few things are changes that I suspect are coming. Possibly big changes. Although definitely things that are not clearly unfolded out before me. Things that I am not sure exactly how they will impact me.
IBM is acquiring Cognos. How that is going to "end up" is way beyond my limited knowledge. Whether I'll have a job or not remains to be seen.
Kona, my doggie for the last 12 years, is dying. I've begun to mourn her already, which seems both natural and incredibly wrong at the same time. I find myself waiting for the call... waiting for that moment. And I get angry that I'm not in the present moment, just experiencing the fact that she is very much still alive and that her spirit is very much here.
There are other things too, that I'm contemplating.. things that I haven't articulated to my soul yet. Things that are in their infancy - cravings of travel and family and community and possible career changes... that I've only begun to be curious about. These, too, are scratching the surface of my painted self, peeling away some of the flakes that have formed in the corners and the dark crevasses of me. Priming me for something that has yet to hit me with full force, front and center.
And so, I've been dreaming rampantly lately. My dreams seem to center around Sue leaving.
In one dream, Sue is living with me and is up packing her belongings, figuratively and literally purging her "things", and making space for her new adventures. I am watching her do this, watching her lug boxes and bags to her car and I watch her drive away. So passive. So distant from her choices. I am also saying goodbye to other people who live in my house.
My house is this big sprawling, multi-floored house, with mazes of rooms and white walls, and banistered stairways that lead to nooks and crannies on each floor. I watch my house getting emptied, and I realize with a sudden pang, a sort of heavy wistfulness, that I need to find another roommate. That there is no way that I can stay here, remain here, fill this space, without someone else.
In another dream, I'm acting as the ringleader for Sue's move. I'm like a bonafide agent - making calls, making bookings, coordinating lists of logistics over telephones and computers. I'm sending emails, fielding responses, making travel arrangements and itineraries. I'm in the thick of the action. All the while, I know that she is leaving. And I find myself trying very hard to stay distracted.
And in other dream, I'm in a hotel room. It's empty of furniture and there is only a telephone on the floor. I am waiting for a call from Sue. For her to tell me that she's ready to meet. And I just sit on the floor, in a cross-legged position, in the dark, poised for that phone to ring.
Little life changes, big moves, new paths to explore, things that impact me directly and immediately, and things that I know lie just beyond the horizon.. things that are coming.
A few things are changing right now. Today.
Sue left Ottawa and moved to a new job and a new city. A dear friend and soul sister of mine, growing and changing and challenging herself in a beautiful, positive way.
I started a new job last week in a totally different career, marketing. A personal leave of familiar faces and places and a jump in the deep, dark part of the lake with both feet - immediately busy, challenged, and working in a very dynamic and quiet work environment.
A few things are changes that I suspect are coming. Possibly big changes. Although definitely things that are not clearly unfolded out before me. Things that I am not sure exactly how they will impact me.
IBM is acquiring Cognos. How that is going to "end up" is way beyond my limited knowledge. Whether I'll have a job or not remains to be seen.
Kona, my doggie for the last 12 years, is dying. I've begun to mourn her already, which seems both natural and incredibly wrong at the same time. I find myself waiting for the call... waiting for that moment. And I get angry that I'm not in the present moment, just experiencing the fact that she is very much still alive and that her spirit is very much here.
There are other things too, that I'm contemplating.. things that I haven't articulated to my soul yet. Things that are in their infancy - cravings of travel and family and community and possible career changes... that I've only begun to be curious about. These, too, are scratching the surface of my painted self, peeling away some of the flakes that have formed in the corners and the dark crevasses of me. Priming me for something that has yet to hit me with full force, front and center.
And so, I've been dreaming rampantly lately. My dreams seem to center around Sue leaving.
In one dream, Sue is living with me and is up packing her belongings, figuratively and literally purging her "things", and making space for her new adventures. I am watching her do this, watching her lug boxes and bags to her car and I watch her drive away. So passive. So distant from her choices. I am also saying goodbye to other people who live in my house.
My house is this big sprawling, multi-floored house, with mazes of rooms and white walls, and banistered stairways that lead to nooks and crannies on each floor. I watch my house getting emptied, and I realize with a sudden pang, a sort of heavy wistfulness, that I need to find another roommate. That there is no way that I can stay here, remain here, fill this space, without someone else.
In another dream, I'm acting as the ringleader for Sue's move. I'm like a bonafide agent - making calls, making bookings, coordinating lists of logistics over telephones and computers. I'm sending emails, fielding responses, making travel arrangements and itineraries. I'm in the thick of the action. All the while, I know that she is leaving. And I find myself trying very hard to stay distracted.
And in other dream, I'm in a hotel room. It's empty of furniture and there is only a telephone on the floor. I am waiting for a call from Sue. For her to tell me that she's ready to meet. And I just sit on the floor, in a cross-legged position, in the dark, poised for that phone to ring.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Snow!!
Snow hit Ottawa this morning and the world has turned white and wintry.
I have to say that it's such a beautiful sight to see the city transformed into a wonderland.
You get a chance to see the trees and the landscape hugged by soft, fluffy snow.
It makes the world look different, and beautiful in its difference.
I have to say that it's such a beautiful sight to see the city transformed into a wonderland.
You get a chance to see the trees and the landscape hugged by soft, fluffy snow.
It makes the world look different, and beautiful in its difference.
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