That last post was such a rant! Better call me a Waaaaaambulance. ; )
Here's a great article about blogging and exposing one's self to the world. I don't agree with everything that Emily wrote about. But she describes the draw and the world of social networking with ease and flourish.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/25/magazine/25internet-t.html?ref=magazine
Friday, May 30, 2008
the seesaw
I've bouncing around a lot, emotionally and physically, these last few weeks. Swinging from highs to lows, without really being on middle ground much. Either I'm shooting upwards, trying to touch the stars, hands extended up, up, up, feeling on top of the world... or my knees are up by my ears, as I smack the ground hard. Ouch.
The lows don't last long, nor do they particular hurt, they just sort of startle me.
Like a jolt. A smack on the ass. A shake-down.
The highs are all about the fun I've been having at work. I feel good about this move. I feel good about what I've learned in the last 7 months. I feel good about exploring my creative and business side. I like the people I'm connecting with. I like trying brand new things (like Podcasts! I am totally hooked on this audio world). I like thinking about living somewhere new. I like teasing my senses with the idea of moving. Living abroad. Traveling. I'm saving up money for that opportunity - whatever and whenever it might be - I have no idea.
The lows are more about my physical body. I just reached that landmark. I'm heavier than I've ever been IN MY LIFE. I know it's a number. But it's also how I feel - middle-aged, unattractive, stagnant, and undesirable . I am not sure where my sexy side has gone. I don't feel really light and playful. And I'm not sure where this belly arrived from, either. My clothes don't fit. I've had to buy larger and larger sizes. It's a very strange feeling...
But, as I said, the lows don't last long. I seem to push that anxiety to the side very quickly. It feels like I let it go, although I don't know if I'm fooling myself. I am working out more than I have in the last year. Which isn't a lot. It's simply more than I have for a long while. I don't really know how I got to be so sedentary. Funny how you can change. It seemed that before, all I ever did was exercise.
I know that what I can do is be active, have fun, and eat well. That the rest will sort itself out, if I give it enough time. At least, I hope desperately that this will happen.
Today is Friday, and I am embracing a fun, sunny, and active weekend ahead of me. I look forward to playing some tennis, doing yoga, going for a run, reading, winding down, reflecting, spending some time with friends, and laughing.
All good and beautiful things. : )
At least my soul is in good shape!
The lows don't last long, nor do they particular hurt, they just sort of startle me.
Like a jolt. A smack on the ass. A shake-down.
The highs are all about the fun I've been having at work. I feel good about this move. I feel good about what I've learned in the last 7 months. I feel good about exploring my creative and business side. I like the people I'm connecting with. I like trying brand new things (like Podcasts! I am totally hooked on this audio world). I like thinking about living somewhere new. I like teasing my senses with the idea of moving. Living abroad. Traveling. I'm saving up money for that opportunity - whatever and whenever it might be - I have no idea.
The lows are more about my physical body. I just reached that landmark. I'm heavier than I've ever been IN MY LIFE. I know it's a number. But it's also how I feel - middle-aged, unattractive, stagnant, and undesirable . I am not sure where my sexy side has gone. I don't feel really light and playful. And I'm not sure where this belly arrived from, either. My clothes don't fit. I've had to buy larger and larger sizes. It's a very strange feeling...
But, as I said, the lows don't last long. I seem to push that anxiety to the side very quickly. It feels like I let it go, although I don't know if I'm fooling myself. I am working out more than I have in the last year. Which isn't a lot. It's simply more than I have for a long while. I don't really know how I got to be so sedentary. Funny how you can change. It seemed that before, all I ever did was exercise.
I know that what I can do is be active, have fun, and eat well. That the rest will sort itself out, if I give it enough time. At least, I hope desperately that this will happen.
Today is Friday, and I am embracing a fun, sunny, and active weekend ahead of me. I look forward to playing some tennis, doing yoga, going for a run, reading, winding down, reflecting, spending some time with friends, and laughing.
All good and beautiful things. : )
At least my soul is in good shape!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
The Girl Effect
I have to share this with you all. It's powerful. It's important. It's about us. It's about our future.
You need to watch this.
http://girleffect.org
You need to watch this.
http://girleffect.org
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Weekend Mornings
It's a quiet Saturday morning in the house. My sister, visiting from Portland and sans her 1 year old son, is fast asleep (soaking up some leisure time for herself). J&E have run off to do errands and have some fun. I am sitting on the pod, in the sunshine, sipping a Bridgehead, and studying for my exam. I've got a cuddling cat beside me, a fleece blanket warming my toes, and I'm quietly contemplating how beautiful life is and how very lucky I am.
Hope all of you can enjoy a quiet, peaceful morning. In whatever way that makes you smile.
Hope all of you can enjoy a quiet, peaceful morning. In whatever way that makes you smile.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
the drudgery of learning
why does learning and studying take so much effort?
why does it feel like work? like obligation? like weight?
why do I manage to find a million other ways to procrastinate - like painting my toes, sending gifts to my friends and family around the world, vaccuming up cat hair, scrubbing the tub, plucking eyebrow hairs...
I always believed that school could be like drinking a tall glass of water, a beaded, deliciously cool glass of water, that glides down your throat in great gulps, seeming to coat your thirst like a velvet cloak, making you sigh in satisfaction.
But I found school to be fraught with anxiety and nervousness. More heat and agitation than calm and tranquil. More painful slogging than simple absorption and satiety.
Maybe I fight it too hard? Perhaps I should just ease into this journey of being a student of life.
Relax and let go. Enjoy the bumpy ride. Immerse myself in appreciating the newness of learning and the stimulation of the unknown.
Or maybe I should just study for my final exam! ; )
why does it feel like work? like obligation? like weight?
why do I manage to find a million other ways to procrastinate - like painting my toes, sending gifts to my friends and family around the world, vaccuming up cat hair, scrubbing the tub, plucking eyebrow hairs...
I always believed that school could be like drinking a tall glass of water, a beaded, deliciously cool glass of water, that glides down your throat in great gulps, seeming to coat your thirst like a velvet cloak, making you sigh in satisfaction.
But I found school to be fraught with anxiety and nervousness. More heat and agitation than calm and tranquil. More painful slogging than simple absorption and satiety.
Maybe I fight it too hard? Perhaps I should just ease into this journey of being a student of life.
Relax and let go. Enjoy the bumpy ride. Immerse myself in appreciating the newness of learning and the stimulation of the unknown.
Or maybe I should just study for my final exam! ; )
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Free Will Horoscope
Here's my Free Will horoscope for this week.
Quite profound and beautifully written, I might say. It makes you look differently on a little creature like the ant.
Your power symbol for the week is an ant carrying a potato chip. It means you'll possess so much strength that you'll be able to hold aloft burdens that are much bigger than you. More than that, Aries. You'll look graceful doing it. And here's the kicker. That giant load you carry may ultimately provide nourishment not only for you but also for everyone back at the nest.
Quite profound and beautifully written, I might say. It makes you look differently on a little creature like the ant.
Your power symbol for the week is an ant carrying a potato chip. It means you'll possess so much strength that you'll be able to hold aloft burdens that are much bigger than you. More than that, Aries. You'll look graceful doing it. And here's the kicker. That giant load you carry may ultimately provide nourishment not only for you but also for everyone back at the nest.
Friday, May 02, 2008
the wild
I saw a beautiful film last night, Into the Wild.
Adapted from the book by Jon Krakauer, the film was done by Sean Penn (screenplay written and film directed by him).
It was an exquisite view of the natural world - of the wild - of that raw and untouched landscape that we often don't explore. A story of this young man who wants to give his material belongings up to go live in the wild. To be free.
While I was watching the film, I realized that I have a deep longing to be able to act as courageously as Chris McCandless - to forgo all the traps that we have set up for ourselves in our lives - all the material things which we attach ourselves to - and live a life that is true and honest and one that requires me to be self-sufficient. Relying on no one else but myself.
Here's a quote that Chris wrote:
"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."
Could I do that?
A few years ago, I walked away from everything that I knew. Everything that I was familiar with. Everything that I had built up over the years. I walked away because, like Chris, I was deeply unhappy. I felt that I had no control over my own life. I felt like I had no choices available to me. I was not free.
And I walked into the wild of being alone, for the first time in my life. I walked into the wild of learning to be on my own, to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, free. I learned what I wanted for myself, what I was willing to accept, and what I was not willing to do.
It's a few years later now, and I've settled into a happy groove. I like myself. I like my life. And I live day to day, seeking out the adventures and the possibilities that can occur when you are open to living, when you are receptive to opportunities, when you embrace the moment.
And there are times, when I watch a movie like the one last night, that I have an urge to give my belongings away, donate my RRSPs/savings to charity, and with nothing more than a backpack on my back and a smile on my face, take that step into the unknown. That road less traveled. And see where it takes me.
Adapted from the book by Jon Krakauer, the film was done by Sean Penn (screenplay written and film directed by him).
It was an exquisite view of the natural world - of the wild - of that raw and untouched landscape that we often don't explore. A story of this young man who wants to give his material belongings up to go live in the wild. To be free.
While I was watching the film, I realized that I have a deep longing to be able to act as courageously as Chris McCandless - to forgo all the traps that we have set up for ourselves in our lives - all the material things which we attach ourselves to - and live a life that is true and honest and one that requires me to be self-sufficient. Relying on no one else but myself.
Here's a quote that Chris wrote:
"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."
Could I do that?
A few years ago, I walked away from everything that I knew. Everything that I was familiar with. Everything that I had built up over the years. I walked away because, like Chris, I was deeply unhappy. I felt that I had no control over my own life. I felt like I had no choices available to me. I was not free.
And I walked into the wild of being alone, for the first time in my life. I walked into the wild of learning to be on my own, to be self-sufficient, self-reliant, free. I learned what I wanted for myself, what I was willing to accept, and what I was not willing to do.
It's a few years later now, and I've settled into a happy groove. I like myself. I like my life. And I live day to day, seeking out the adventures and the possibilities that can occur when you are open to living, when you are receptive to opportunities, when you embrace the moment.
And there are times, when I watch a movie like the one last night, that I have an urge to give my belongings away, donate my RRSPs/savings to charity, and with nothing more than a backpack on my back and a smile on my face, take that step into the unknown. That road less traveled. And see where it takes me.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
Life, as I would like it
I really enjoyed reading this inspiration peak quotation. I like the easiness and freedom that it implies. I like the way that it recognizes how rich an interaction like this one can be.. if you are open to it.
"I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful."
Frederick E. Perl
"I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful."
Frederick E. Perl
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