new words

I wrote this awhile ago. It's a bit of a departure for me - the statements are fleshed out more. It feels more like a story and less like a poem, in some respects. I like experimenting with new words, new feelings, and how to write about what it feels like to be connected with someone physically, and emotionally.

I lay in the darkness
the world made blacker still
by the thoughts swirling around my head.

And I listened to that drone of voices,
repetitious and persistent,
drowning out my sanity.

My heart aching,
compressed by an unknown sorrow
clenched tightly in the vise grip of pain.

Brushing aside the curls that lay
nestled on the nape of my neck
You leaned in with your lips.

I felt the heat of your skin;
your warmth embrace me
as your limbs found their home.

The pressure of your touch,
your arm pulling me deeper into your soul.
And I lay, amazed, at how the world disappears.

ebb and flow

Learning new things, being flipped in multiple directions, is a crazy experience.
It's fun and it's hard.
It can leave you feeling exuberant and crushed.

On a daily basis, I'm feeling this see-saw of impatience and being overwhelmed.
The tug of war of feeling like I've got a good idea well within my grasp, and then, quick as a flash, feeling like I need to retreat to a corner to lick my wounds and wonder how it all went askew.

The tide pulls me.
Like a current, it spills towards me
advancing
building
cresting
and I am lured into that pool;
deeper and deeper I go.
Until the ideas crash on the shore
tumbling and bursting forth;
the culmination of inspiration.

And then the ebb begins
slowly
withdrawing
inching away from the beach.
Leaving the earth barren and arid.
Dizzy from want.
Until the thirst is too much for the sand
and the water is ready to return.

- LML November 27, 2008

animal crackers in my soup

I have been dreaming massively and vividly since I started my new job. No surprise, since everything feels new and different and challenging. I love how my dreams merge the wacky with day-to-day events, sprinkled with some subconscious wisdom. They are colorful and active and seem to last the entire night long. I love dreaming.

Take last night's dream. I was going to open an animal reserve. For elephants and tigers, naturally. 8 elephants and a pasture of tigers. With little Chloe (real cat) thrown in, since she loves to investigate.

One could extrapolate that the new business adventure in my dream has some kind of relationship to my new career. And one could see the connection between animals being symbolic of things that may or may not be a part of myself.

Let's see...

Elephant
To see an elephant in your dream, indicates that you need to be more patient or more understanding of others. Or perhaps there is a memory that you are holding on to for too long. You need to let go of the past. The elephant is also a symbol of power, strength, faithfulness and intellect. Alternatively, the elephant's introverted personality may be a reflection of your own personality.

Eight
Eight stands for power of authority, success, karma, material gains, regeneration, and wealth. When the number eight appears in your dream, trust your instincts and intuition.

Tiger
To see a tiger in your dream, represents power and your ability to exert it in various situations. The dream may also indicate that you to take more of a leadership role. Alternatively, the tiger represents female sexuality, aggression, and seduction.

tell me why... I don't like Mondays

It's funny how you can fill your weekend with friends, fun, relaxation, good food, good rest, some exercise, and lots of laughter and hugs, mix in a funny movie, some Rock Band, a happening party, lots of Web surfing, cuddles with cats, fresh new bed linen, clean laundry, fresh bagels and hot coffee in bed...

...and STILL want to crawl back into bed on a Monday morning! 

: )

random thoughts from the first few days

• Internet access restrictions stink. Big time.
• Bring more snack foods to work...I get hungry at 2pm and there is no food.
• Free green tea, coffee and hot chocolate. Yum!
• I wish I could just plug in and learn like Neo did in the Matrix.
• Trying to figure out ways to stay on top of the latest Web and e-Marketing news via Outlook. *sigh*
• It takes so long to ramp up - I want to contribute, now!
• Everything is new.
• It is a very quiet office. So quiet that you can hear me chewing gum. And it echoes.
• Welcoming the newbie with Police "Do Not Cross" tape and the outline of a body scares the heck out of a lot of people but it made me howl. Awesome!
• Physicians are a unique breed - smart, demanding, with really short attention spans.
• Yay for Twitter!! (They probably just don't know about it.. but it's my lifeline right now.)
• I miss all the familiar faces that come from being in a place for so long.
• I really need to start walking to work. The 4 minute drive on the 417 seems just wasteful. Plus, I'd get in shape finally.

travel lust

I watched a video that a colleague put together about his 6 month travels to Southeast Asia. Oh. My. God!

I decided, after salivating from his pictures and his videos, that when I turn 40, yes.. that bigass milestone, I'm going to take a year off to travel the world, or at least travel a big chunk of it.

Here's my list of places that I am lusting after. It's a small list. One that I'll keep adding to, I know.

Turkey
Spain
Laos
Jordon
Vietnam
Jamaica
Petra
Morocco
Australia
Greece
Cambodia
Belize
Tunisia
Chile
Namibia
Malaysia
Indonesia
Brazil

The good news for my itchy foot is that I am due to hit a country in the Arabian Peninsula in April 2009 - Oman!

9,999 and still going strong.....

Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink and The Tipping Point, suggests that culture, luck, and 10,000 hours are the key criteria to be successful.

Not happiness, mind you. Success.

10,000 hours at 24 hours a day means 416.66 days. That's 1 year and 51 days of NONSTOP focus and practice (or 9.15 YEARS at 3 hours a day) to become successful at something. Flying a plane. Mountain biking. Writing. Photography. Playing guitar. Designing fashion. Marketing. Software development. Making beer. Calligraphy.

Me? I have the attention span of a gnat. I like to sample. I like to nibble. A little of this, a little of that. OK, I'm moving on.

This may be why I'm not the master of something. Yet.

Noise

swirling thoughts
swinging moods
suspended animation

clutter
clanking around in my mind
a cacophony of sounds

distractions
distortions
distance between body and mind

feeling forgetful
focusing on the futile
fidgety

waiting
worrying
wondering

realizing that
presence
peace and
persistance

is what is necessary.


- lml, November 3/08