wedding card shopping

I went wedding card shopping last night and found it exasperating and exhausting. I wanted to find something authentic; something that captured my wishes and my being. Something that was honest. 

All the cards I found spoke of true love, forever love, lifetimes together.... none of them talked about the happiness that is found right now, today, in this moment. The feeling that comes with living the truth for the present and not setting expectations or obligations for the future. The realization that you love someone fully today without knowing what tomorrow may bring. The pure pleasure in connecting with a soul friend and the fun, excitement, enjoyment of wanting to be with them, without the weight of being absolutely sure of everything from this point onwards. Because how can you be certain? Ever? Because we all do change and grow and we experience life differently at different times. 

So, I decided I'd write my own set of wedding cards that I could use to celebrate the lovelies in my life that I know who are getting married. Something you probably couldn't find in Hallmark. Something that comes from me... with all my own filters, preconceived notions, and personal hangups, admittedly... : )

Congratulations! 
To celebrating life and all the joy that comes with opening yourself up to love. 

To making the choice to be here right now and loving with abandon.

To sharing your soul with a friend and a lover. 

To immersing yourself in this moment fully - laughing, loving, celebrating and living!

To love - experiencing all the joy and happiness that this moment brings you.

To the beauty of this moment - may your soul be filled with love, laughter and lightness.

I could go on an on... but I suspect you get the gist. 

To everyone who's filling their lives with love in whichever way makes them happy, I am sending you the warmest of wishes and much peace.  xo

Nurturing your soul....

I sent this to a dear friend today, and I thought I'd post it here for myself (and you) for future reflection.

It's raining here… pretty hard… and I'm looking out the window at work thinking about all the nourishment that the rain gives the earth. How much we thirst for water, in our own bodies.

And that made me think about different kinds of thirsts. I saw this today, and thought of you, my lovely friend. I thought your soul might be thirsty and that perhaps there was some food in these items that might bring you some peace.

10 Things to Nurture your Soul*

1. Tell The Truth
We speak in terms of "searching our soul" when we need to find answers for life's deep questions. The soul is the seat of our own truth and is a demand for it. We must seek the truth and tell it. Skate by the truth as your soul knows it, and sooner or later, you'll be back to re-visit the subject you avoided. The soul settles for nothing less than the bare naked truth.

2. Spend Time In Nature
Live close to the earth and you'll know its soul. When you know the soul of nature, you'll know your own. Spend time in the natural world and allow yourself to connect with all living things and you will find your place in the order of life. You will see yourself as a part of nature, no more and no less than the stars and the trees. The soul rests in the natural world.

3. Experience Your Experience
The soul is a junkie for experience. It loves it all! The soul has no preference for pain or joy; just a demand that we experience whatever is true in the moment. When grief or sadness are upon you, feel them, experience them. Through these harder emotions, new doors open and great freedom enters. When joy and passion are present, live them out loud. The soul is a glutton for living with gusto!

4. Live On The Edge
"Man is so made that when anything fires his soul, impossibilities vanish." --Jean De La Fontaine

Live out to the edges of your life. That's where the soul thrives. The soul seeks possibilities that can only be found beyond what is already known, safe and comfortable. It does not understand the meaning of "impossible". What is already known is already known. To the soul, the "juice" lies in the unknown, where all things are possible. The soul calls us to come to the edge, then go beyond.

5. Learn To Dance In The Rain
There will be times in your life when the sun doesn't shine. Dance anyway. There will be times when life is painful. Dance with your pain. The soul is naturally drawn to the dark, tight places inside. Its job is to expand those places so the light can shine into and through them. Dance with whatever cards you're dealt, then tell the truth about it. The soul is nothing if not an excellent dancer. Give it the dance floor and step aside!

6. Uncontrollable Belly Laughter
Laughter is good medicine for the soul. Nothing can uplift the spirit and lighten the soul like a good laugh that starts at your belly and explodes through your whole body. It's orgasmic! The soul needs orgasms as much as the body needs them. Who do you laugh with? Have a "laughter date" at least once a week. It's OK to be silly, hokey, corny, all the things your ego wouldn't deign to be. Get a grip and let her rip!

7. Meditation
To meditate is to enter the soul's inner temple. Here, you'll hear the soul's whisper. Meditation is like drinking water after crawling through the desert. It quenches the soul's thirst for silence and stillness.

8. Keep A Journal
Having kept a journal for over thirty years, looking back, I see than many of the same questions are with me today as thirty years ago, I'm just on a different turn of the wheel. I'm taking a deeper cut. I'm more surrendered to the wisdom unfolding as my life. All of this comes through my writing as I see my soul's process over the long arc of time expressed on the pages of my journal. It's a living document that you were here, you lived a life, you loved, you lost, you learned. Be sure to record your dreams, which are the language of the soul.

9. Love Fully
At the end of the day, how much did you love? Were you a lover of life, the world? Did you love with a big, wide, open, generous heart? Did you love without conditions? This is what will matter when you come to the finish line. The soul is here to learn to love it all, even and perhaps especially, those things the ego thinks are unlovable. Love the unlovable parts of yourself and others and your soul will find peace.

10. Bring A Sense Of The Sacred
To the soul, it's all holy. It's all sacred. Every moment, every experience, every blade of grass, every bug that crawls, every baby that cries, every tear that's shed, every gesture of love, every act of kindness..... it's all sacred. To bring a sense of the sacred to every moment is to live out the mission of the soul.

*Thanks to Judith Rich who used her words to describe such a powerful recipe for living

and the wheels go 'round

Perhaps it's the copious cups of coffee, the chattering that happens within the closed confines of a car and the high caffeine content, the music streaming from the radio, or the endless ribbon of asphalt that unravels in front of your eyes...

..whatever it is, there is something about a road trip that inspires reflection.

On this particular long weekend, driving along quiet stretches of highways in Quebec, I listened to these Starsailor lyrics "So I turn to you and I say, thank goodness for the good souls, that make life better. So I turn to you and I say, if it weren't for the good souls, life would not matter." and I was consumed with thoughts of friends, love, and the beautiful experiences that both of these have brought to my world. Heady food for thought, indeed.

I've learned and explored a few things in the last few years about both. I consider these to be my own personal life lessons and I feel blessed that I've had the chance to experience them and grow from them.

- friendship is powerful force and has rocked my world more intensely than I could ever expected.

- there is nothing quite like the feeling of being with little people and being able to soak up their energy, laughter, and ability to live in the moment.

- people will come into your life bearing gifts. It's up to you to find what those gifts are and to use them without hesitation or restraint. Often it's not until much later in life that you recognize them for the impact that they had on you.

- when in the presence of love - the kind that fills your soul, brings a happy ache to your heart and tears to your eyes - stop whatever it is that you are doing, let the feeling flow down to your toes, and smile. Be still, be grateful, and soak it up!

- I don't know that I believe that I can change the world, but I do believe that people heal in the presence of love. Years of anger and hatred, fear and doubt can transform into courage, confidence and acceptance. It takes time and it takes openness. I believe that what we need to do to help make a global impact starts with a simple desire to want to treat one person differently.

- I am an incredibly lucky and blessed person and I am so grateful for all the people, experiences, and fortune that surrounds me. I recognize that life is short and I intend to fill mine with as much love, laughter and life as I possibly can.

A new girl

It's a girl! Anna Elizabeth Hogue was born last night. Congratulations, Gina & Stuart. I can't wait to meet your new little one. : )

The coolest feeling in the world...

...is my sister sending me text messages while she's in labor!!!!!!! I can't help it but I'm crying. I almost feel like I'm there. 

I love you, Gina! Good luck! 

My archetype: the giver

On Tuesday, I saw a cat in a tree, stuck high above the branches, all four paws on hydro wires, supporting his weight by leaning against the hydro pole. He was meowing. He attempted to move a couple of times, got spooked by the wires, and stayed where he was.

I called the Fire department (what else do you do?) and they dispatched my call to Ottawa Hydro. While I was waiting for them, I noticed that a sign had been posted by the Humane Society. Since 10:46 am, the cat had been noticed and was being monitored by them, and the note suggested that the cat would come down on its own.

I called the woman from the Humane Society. She said they usually leave cats for at least 24 hours, as the cats, in the dark and when it's quiet, will come down on their own. She said if he was still there in the morning, she'd call Ottawa Hydro. I asked if I could leave some food and water there for him, as a possible lure. She thought that was a good idea.

Wednesday morning, as I drove to work, I saw that the cat was still there. Still in the same position. It had been over 24 hours. The poor guy. I called the Humane Society immediately and left a message for my contact. I had a three hour meeting at work, and when that was done, I walked to see if the cat had been taken down. He was gone and the Hydro crews were trimming trees branches to keep a space between the trees and the hydro poles. All was good!

I reflected on these events a lot walking home last night. Why was I so interested in being involved? Why did I expend so much energy on a cat that wasn't even mine? It's funny because it didn't even matter to me who's cat it was. I could imagine his relief and exhaustion at being down. I could visualize him arriving at home meowing at his family as if to say "You would not believe the day I just had."

I realized that I became involved mostly because I felt compelled to do something. I felt like I couldn't just walk by and disengage. It seemed like such a simple thing to do - help one cat stuck in a tree. Life can be incredibly difficult at times and having the opportunity to do something so simple seemed so natural.

All of these emotions reminded me that I'm a giver. I like to help. I feel good when I am doing something for someone or something. And it made me take stock of the life that I am living these days. I'm not living that part of me. I'm having a lot of fun. I'm connecting regularly with people who give me positive energy and love. I am very content and peaceful. But I think there is energy that I have that I'm not using. I am not volunteering. I only occasionally see my little sister. I've given up Search & Rescue. I guess you could say, I'm hungry to do more.

I just got accepted into the EMBA program which starts in the Fall. I suspect that I will need to wait a little bit longer to have the time (and energy) to be available to volunteer - but it was a good reminder to me that I have this energy to put to good use. It's there for the taking. So why waste it?

learning

When I think about school:

I remember the angst
I remember not fitting in
I remember wondering what my destiny was
I remember worrying about the world
I remember feeling determined to do something about it
I remember hating myself
I remember harboring secrets
I remember wanting things so badly my stomach would twist in pain
I remember struggling
I remember not understanding the magic of learning
I remember feeling inadequate
I remember being afraid
I remember being able to understand people who also felt out of sorts
I remember wanting to help them
I remember feeling lost
I remember laughing easily especially over stupid things
I remember how easily things affected me
I remember crying often and hard
I remember wishing that things were different
I remember living in a fantasy world
I remember yearning to run away
I remember watching popular people with awe
I remember fumbling
I remember stumbling
I remember feeling awkward
I remember growing 5 inches so quickly
I remember towering over the rest of my class, boys included
I remember how much I loved to read
I remember that I wanted to be actress
I remember not making it into any plays
I remember creating stories and movies in my head
I remember going there for fun and comfort
I remember taking long walks in the mountains behind my house
I remember thinking that there was a reason for my existence and that I just needed to find out what it was
I remember the soul friends that I did make, how rare they were, and how they still make me smile when I think of them

Years later, I am thinking about going back to school and I've been assaulted by all these memories and fears and wants. I am a different person, in many ways, and yet I am someone who is still haunted by the ghosts of desire (to do good things, to be a part of a community, to feel acceptance in my heart, to help this world).

I like that I am stretching myself to reexamine this relationship. To look at it through a different lens. To open myself up to the beautiful experience of learning. Learning something new, stretching my mind, gaining a different perspective, giving myself permission to try and try and hopefully succeed in understanding something that is unfamiliar. What a fortunate place to be in! What an incredible chance to be bold and find courage. A chance to redefine myself and change old patterns.

How often in one's life will I have the chance to be immersed in growth like this? It's a good opportunity - one that makes me excited and anxious and determined. We'll see where it leads me!