it's that time

It's my last night of fun - of wasted time - of doing whatever my heart desires! No strings attached, no pangs of guilt, no obligations, no "I should be" thoughts, no late night cram sessions, no frantic assignment uploads, no crammed-brain syndrome, no bags under my eyes, no stupefying blinks, no wild heart palpitations, no brewing coffee at 2am, no anxiety dreams, no stomach knots, no greasy take-out because the fridge is empty, no wistful yearnings of beaches and getaways, no coffee spills on binders, no laptop battery deaths at the local coffee shop, no shallow breathing, no shaking hands, no exam writing, no sleepless nights, and no wondering what my friends are up to because I haven't talked to them in years...

...Tonight, I'm taking a break!

I'm being frivolous. I'm being neglectful. I'm being careless. I'm wasting time! And I intend to enjoy it! : )

channel changing

I find my biggest source of stress and anxiety comes when I try and visualize my future. When I try and see the path that I think I need to take to get from A to B.

Whether I'm trying to figure out how to carve out my career; where I see myself living; what I envision for myself in retirement; whether I'll pass my EMBA; how I see my place within my circle of family and friends; if I'm going to buy a house; whether I plan on having any children or not... I end up feeling quite anxious and uneasy.

It doesn't matter if the questions come from my own heart or from inquiring minds around me (financial planners, family members, people I just meet...), as soon as they are released, I feel the weight of panic and noise settle in. The view is fuzzy - I have no clear picture in my head. I feel a strong sense of "I should know this answer!" and "What's going to happen to me?" These feelings pummel me and, like I would adjust a distorted tv channel, I feel compelled to try and fine tune myself. I feel compelled to have an answer and to KNOW the truth.

It takes me a while to remember that the scratchy radio station in my mind is a good thing! I believe the universe is trying to remind me that there IS NO road to the future. The road exists today. The path I need to follow is one that is created by my actions and my presence right now. If I'm not here, then I'm not carving out what I need to, to get to wherever I need to go. Reminding myself of that. Taking that deep breath and exhaling. Being in the moment. That is where the answers exist.

My kind of weather

It's been hot and sticky here in Ottawa. The temperatures are soaring and the humidity grabs you in a bear hug and holds you down - making it difficult to breathe.

We don't have air conditioning in our house, so we keep ourselves cool with ice water and cold compresses. Cold showers. Lots of fans. We wear shorts and tank tops. We walk slowly and drink lots. I pull my hair off my head with elastic bands - exposing my neck to release some of the heat in my body. There is a sheen to my skin. Constantly. I feel tacky. I feel like I need to be in water.

And, I absolutely love this weather. To me, this is summer. This is what I wait for all year! This is my kind of weather. And I am soaking it up like a sponge and relishing every sticky, sweaty drop of it! YAY!

Happy hat day!

I'm sitting here, giggling, wearing a giant Gerber flower hat on my head. At work. : )

It's "happy hat day" here - and a couple colleagues and I are trying to inject some lightness and humor in our workday. People have been swamped and overwhelmed with some unclear direction as we navigate a new organization. As a result, we all are being asked to wear many hats. And thus, the idea. ; )

In honor of everyone wearing many hats in their personal and professional lives, I urge you to celebrate like this...just for a giggle or two.

~ lala

Groovy

I just had a brilliant conversation with a man who lived a lot of his youth in the 1970s. He talked about how, at that time, the energy that was flowing was unbelievable. It was palpable. New music emerged on a weekly basis. People connected quickly and effortlessly. There were life-changing events that occurred so frequently, it was hard to keep track of the landscape. He said that it was a time where your formed intense and authentic connections with people during the midst of these powerful events. Sometimes lasting for years.

He said he feels like today, and how we are living right now, has the same vibe as that era. It has the same energy. The same easy and mind-blowing connections are being made through avenues like Facebook and Google searches. He feels the same kind of rhythm in the speed with which we do things, the access to information and data, the desire for finding meaning in everything we do. The fact that new music is being created in interesting ways. The fact that the landscape of the world is changing in ways we don't always fathom.

I loved hearing about this energy. This passion. This excitement. This world just resonating with electricity. It's groovy!

color

In one of my Juicy Journaling sessions, SARK asked what role color plays in my life. When I read that question, I realized that color is a huge part of my life. I reflected on the fact that I am attracted to bright, bold splashes of it. That I dream in technicolor. That when I have a migraine aura, it comes in flashes and jagged edges of bright blues, reds, purples and oranges. That when I am feeling especially connected, I can even sometimes see a person's aura - represented to me in different colored hues.

I realized that I love color and I love finding color, especially in the places I travel to! My adventures are intertwined with color and the colors etch themselves in my mind, when I think back on a city or a country.

I remember when I was in Ireland in 2006 - I discovered the multitude of shades of green that were a part of the countryside. At times, they seemed to be fluorescent - the hues popped out so vibrantly. Balanced against the rough, grey stone of the West coast and the thatched-roof houses that could be mistaken for being dour, the green added a playfulness to the landscape. Like a mischievous leprechaun winking at you as he danced across a field.

This year, I was in the Middle East, and I remember the rich, dusky burnt-red textures of the Omani desert - spilling out like a matte paint - that coated the surface of everything. The hot, smooth sand that I could feel in my hair, lined my face, stuck to my eyelashes, and caressed my toes. The grit that I could feel in my teeth. Where the hide of camels and other desert animal life blended in so magnificently, you felt you were adrift in an orange-red ocean, with waves and ripples obscuring the shore.

I remember the crystal clear turquoise water of the ocean of Turks and Caicos, and how the white sand sparkled like fresh snow in the glare of the hot sunlight. The brilliant flashes of color coming from the plentiful sea life that lived just below the surface of that warm, inviting tapestry. The saltiness enveloping and washing over you.

I remember the splashes of pinks, purples and yellows of the Painted Ladies - as they called the Victorian houses that lined the streets of San Francisco. Tall and narrow, the pointed roofs reaching up towards the blue sky. We used to drive by them as we passed Golden Gate park on our way into the city.

And I remember the way the steel bowls of the Thai night markets caught the neon lights and street lamps. Bouncing like rubber balls off of shiny surfaces and people's faces, reflecting the mouth-watering curries, vegetables, and banana/chocolate crepes inside.

Clearly color comes to me like poetry - helping me shape my experiences with textures and a language unto its own - vivid; brilliant; rich...

the question of the week

I was asked a question this weekend that made me pause. It got my mind buzzing, my soul stretching and made me uncomfortable, embarassed, frazzled and excited.

"What are you excellent at!?"

How would you answer this question?