crickets...

I think the hardest part of losing a job is the silence that comes.

There is a big rush of support and encouragement at the beginning, a lovely and genuine display of positive energy - people unexpectedly reaching out, ideas that come at full force about what to do next, the networking that seems exhausting, to be frank, because there are so many people to reach out to, so many possibilities, so much potential. Or so it seems.

And then comes the quiet.

It's no different than what you feel with any big change - the loss of a loved one, a big move to a new city, a divorce or separation - any kind of start over.

The emotional highs and lows come hand-in-hand with the honest realization that you are alone, that your destiny is in your hands and that you have to find the grit and the strength to be alone, and the courage to continue moving. To take that next step forward, to pull yourself out of that rut, to continue pushing for what you believe in, what you want, what you see yourself doing.

You have to believe, and try, and cry, and fail and start over and dig deeply.

And the times when you hear nothing but the crickets are the times when the biggest growth occurs.
It's when you face your demons and your darkness and you still manage to smile at your face in the mirror.

Today is a new day - let's see what unfolds!
~ lala

on the eve of my 39th birthday

It's the eve of my 39th birthday and I'm feeling so good! 
I have beautiful wonderful happy people who are my friends and chosen family
I have some very interesting job prospects that excite the shit out of me
I feel so free and unencumbered
I am strong and healthily, I am capable, I am carving if out my destiny
I am lucky and grateful to be healthy and whole
I am spiritual and gentle
I have the resources to help, the energy to want to help and the wherewithal to make it happen! 
I know what it feels like to love and to be loved and to touch and be touched. 
I have arms to hold people - to want them and to clasp them close to me
And I have the strength to let them go, without fear, and without needing them to return
I feel blessed and, at times, beautiful, especially as I watch a super moon in the sky or hear the sound of the ocean or feel the sun on my skin. 
I bathe in the happiness of life and the joy that I feel when I connect with those around me


Happy, happy birthday to me. I am so lucky!
~ lala