This is a pretty heavy, graphic blog. I needed to put it out there for me. If you don't feel up to reading it, then I suggest you hold off. Just for a little bit. Happy Lala will be back soon.
I wrote this for someone who was in pain last night. I feel so helpless, I don't know how to reach her. How to connect with her. How to be a friend to her. I watched her bleed last night - dripping blood all over her clothes and the floor. I bathed her arms and legs as gently as I could, as if somehow I could soothe her soul. As if somehow I could reach her.
I want to scream and yell
til my vocal chords burst
I want to throw a tantrum
flail my arms, smack my head against the corner of a table
ram my fist through a wall
I want to kick something so hard that my knees give out on me, until I crumble.
Anything, something, to get through to you
to shock you into a state of awakeness
to startle you
to make you angry at me
I want to hurt myself so hard so you don't feel any pain.
and help you see that you are not alone.
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