I spent a few minutes capturing some thoughts tonight about this whole artistic
process that I am exploring.
I enjoy losing myself in the creation of something. I love spending hours just drawing something that I see, that I like, that I want to capture. And the process is pure pleasure. Focus, losing myself in the moment, letting go of everything.
What surprises me, much like when I catch a glimpse of myself in a glass when I walk by a storefront or see my face in a mirror, is that I am totally caught off guard. What I see is not what I'd envisioned. I see something that is unexpected. Something that seems somehow wrong.
The picture, the drawing, when held against the original photo, is all askew. Disproportionate, unconnected, misshapen. It's at that moment that I become uncomfortable. I feel worthless, why was I even bothering to try and draw? I can't do this!, and I feel shy and vulnerable. And very embarrassed.
Have I measured this drawing against something that isn't there? Have I expected too much from myself? Did I expect that I would somehow get it right? That it would just flow? Am I afraid to simply put in the time and effort to do this, practice this, over and over?
Do I even have it in me to be persistent enough? To be creative?
4 comments:
"Not knowing all of the conventions of beauty, he [Tom Thomson] found it all beautiful."
A.Y. Jackson
Powerful words. I think I struggle with expecting something to be other than what it is.
I also think that I am lazy - and that if I were more willing to be persistent and driven and dedicated, I could do more.
"To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong."
- Joseph Chilton Pearce
To live a creative life, we must create.
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