practicing what I preach

I have been enjoying the last 4 years of my life a great deal! Life has been good to me, and I've enjoyed immersing myself in it to the fullest.

One of the things that I believe firmly for myself, is to live a life that is free. To be free and unencumbered in my relationships. To be open to life, however it unfolds; often in ways unexpected. To laugh and live joyfully. To be open to love and intimacy, without reservation, expectation, or cost.

All of these things make me feel peaceful. They make me feel calm and centered. They feel right. I haven't experienced angst or discomfort when I embrace it. I believe it's a very real part of who I am.

The reality, as a good friend mentioned today, is that sometimes it takes a great deal of courage to practice these things. I believe they are right for me, and I feel the full benefits of them when I practice them. However, there are times, like now, when I'm in the midst of a great deal of change and adjustment, that I am scared and I want to cling. I feel sad, and I want to set up illusions - boxes that neatly and safely preserve what I like.

I know that it is not reality. And that the truth, for me, doesn't exist in boxes and safety, but letting go and practicing that is sometimes very hard.