realizations

I realize that I give a lot of myself when I am with people.

I watch my essence weave itself around the antics, laughter, and sheer forcefulness of another's personality.

Like tendrils of smoke wafting from a lit cigar, I evaporate into the sky.

I believe this to be a gift. For it happens so naturally - like I am an extension of the person I am with. I get so easily caught up in their lives and their personalities.

Sometimes, though, it feels like there is a cost. That a part of me gets lost, and that I am unable to retrieve me after being with someone for a period of time.

For I leave some people feeling more alive than ever! Electrically charged and animated. Like I've drunk deeply of their souls and filled my cup to the brim at the same time. It's an intoxication that makes me thrive.

And I leave others feeling hollow and weak. Empty and dry, like the dead husk of a plant. Full of sadness and yearning, feeling depleted and bare. And needing to take myself off to a quiet room, to heal.

I suspect the only difference between the two is how far I am willing to go - how much I am willing to give. But I don't know that I want to give up the one for the other. Because in order to experience the intoxication, I must be willing to let myself go, just as easily and wholly as I can.