Those people who know me know that I'm a social person. I truly enjoy people. I like interacting with people on a regular basis. The times when I'm not around folks, I often feel a little hollow - a little askew - like something is missing or something is off.
I guess I am a bit of a community whore - I like being around people. I like sharing laughter and friendship. I like feeling that I belong. I know I feed off the positive energy that comes with connecting. And I'm equally as affected by interactions with people who send off negative energy.
So, it's been an interesting discovery for me to realize that 9 months into my new job (I guess it's technically not new any more), I've yet to make a close connection. Don't get me wrong - there are some fun and talented, interesting, enlightened, and really beautiful people who work here - but I'm not participating. I'm not engaged. I'm eating lunches alone, working on an independent team who functions quite competently on their own, and I'm not socializing with folks outside of work.
Interesting.
I suspect some of these tendencies have to do with the fact that I'm changing; gearing up for school and anticipating that I will be busy and unable to have much of an existence outside of work/school. I suspect some of it may also be that's my extroverted and social tendencies are shifting. I'm more restless, more impatient with myself, less open to the world around me.
A lot of those feelings have to do with me steeling myself for the next year and half. Some of those feelings have to do with many unanswered, "what is my purpose in life?" questions that I have in front of me. Some has to do with learning to hunker down and get done what needs to be done in the little time that I have. Some has to do with recognizing that the people I am close to are blazing off on their life journeys. Some has to do with anxieties coming to surface.
Wherever these feelings come from, I'm just quietly observing this shift in me. Recognizing that it's a change, a rather momentous one, in my life and my temperament and my desires. Acknowledging that it's neither permanent nor absolute.
I guess I am a bit of a community whore - I like being around people. I like sharing laughter and friendship. I like feeling that I belong. I know I feed off the positive energy that comes with connecting. And I'm equally as affected by interactions with people who send off negative energy.
So, it's been an interesting discovery for me to realize that 9 months into my new job (I guess it's technically not new any more), I've yet to make a close connection. Don't get me wrong - there are some fun and talented, interesting, enlightened, and really beautiful people who work here - but I'm not participating. I'm not engaged. I'm eating lunches alone, working on an independent team who functions quite competently on their own, and I'm not socializing with folks outside of work.
Interesting.
I suspect some of these tendencies have to do with the fact that I'm changing; gearing up for school and anticipating that I will be busy and unable to have much of an existence outside of work/school. I suspect some of it may also be that's my extroverted and social tendencies are shifting. I'm more restless, more impatient with myself, less open to the world around me.
A lot of those feelings have to do with me steeling myself for the next year and half. Some of those feelings have to do with many unanswered, "what is my purpose in life?" questions that I have in front of me. Some has to do with learning to hunker down and get done what needs to be done in the little time that I have. Some has to do with recognizing that the people I am close to are blazing off on their life journeys. Some has to do with anxieties coming to surface.
Wherever these feelings come from, I'm just quietly observing this shift in me. Recognizing that it's a change, a rather momentous one, in my life and my temperament and my desires. Acknowledging that it's neither permanent nor absolute.
2 comments:
Interesting that I am on the other end of the spectrum. I am more the loner. I need to be alone to recharge. I typically surround myself with few select people. Yet, after nearly 2 years of maternity leave + balancing work, motherhood, & moving, I am becoming a social butterfly. There aren't enough days in the week for me to spend time with all the people I have opened myself up to at work & in the community. I think I just finally got a chance to rejoin the land of the living :-)
I think it is healthy to experience all ends of the social spectrum. Gives you time to think and learn alone. And on the other end, you get to exercise your social muscles and learn who you are around others. The beauty of it is when you realize that those 2 people are one and the same.
What a beautifully written post Lala.
And JL is right... "The beauty of it is when you realize that those 2 people are one and the same."
What rich and lucky people we are to be able to experience both.
Post a Comment