5 years

A couple of months ago, I celebrated a major milestone. 5 years ago, I left Mike.

It's been a crazy 5 years. Like the bubbly champagne froth that explodes up the glass and spills over the sides, I have experienced a lot of drama and adventure and change!

I left a 15 year marriage. I experienced the loss of Kona. I moved 5 times. I had two new roommates. I changed jobs twice, and moved to a new company. Many of my closest friends experienced tumultuous changes in their own relationships and lives. I discovered my own sexuality and the kind of relationships I wanted for myself. I watched the destruction and downward spiral of my beautiful little sister, Lisa. And then I watched as she grew healthy and thrived. I travelled around the world. I moved in with Jack and Gaby. I left search & rescue. I watched as friends got married and had babies. I enrolled in school!

Let's just say that in the last 5 years, there has been a lot of adventure. A lot of change! A lot of "new" things.

I realize, as I reflect on these years, that I am good with change. I thrive on it. I am resilient. I am capable. And, dare I say, I actually love it.

But, in the last few months, I've experienced a different kind of place. A different kind of world. Things are quiet. There doesn't seem to be the kind of drama and tension and upheaval from before. The long, sleepless nights fraught with worry. The anxiety in my stomach. The build up to a difficult conversation. The need to be constantly vigilant in my words and my actions. The loss of friendships and loneliness with finding a place where I fit in. The fear that I am making a wrong decision. The adrenaline that comes with the unknown. The new. The sheer thrill of jumping in with both feet. The pounding of my heart with throwing caution to the wind.

Aside from a few rowdy evenings with good friends, my life is moving to a different rhythm. There's a steady beat. A quiet satisfaction. A calm. I don't worry about where I'm going to be next, what I have to do, the decisions that weigh on me, the difficult choices, the fear, the escape, and that exhilaration of seeing what's around the next corner.

Don't get me wrong - I live in the moment, as best as I am able. And I have no idea where tomorrow or 9pm tonight will bring me. But, as I sit here on a Friday evening, I want to celebrate something different. I want to raise a glass to toast to the peace that I feel. The ease in my body. The love that surrounds me.

And I look forward, with relish, to whatever my next adventure will be!