The world of 140: Twitter

I wanted to take a few minutes to describe why I enjoy twitter so much, in 140 characters or less ; ) (101)

Firstly, it’s one stop shopping: From celebrities to musicians, social media mavericks to news releases, business to the latest hot topics. (139)

And it’s all available in one dynamic, constant flow of 140 characters: easy to read, easy to write, and complete with links and pictures. (138)

Above all, it’s free, accessible from anywhere, universal in it’s appeal, and easy to use. What more could you ask for? (119)

Just in case you might be intrigued...here are some of the cast of characters that I follow: 

social media/marketing gurus:
jeremiah owyang
guy kawasaki
chris brogan
mashable
avinash kaushik
pistachio
bryan person
bryan eisenberg
rahaf harfoush

celebrities (actors, writers, musicians, athletes):
wil wheaton
lance armstrong
ashton kutcher
demi moore
dooce
soleil moon frye 
don tapscott
stephen fry
neil gaman
levar burton
john cleese
john mayer
dave matthews

geek:
thinkgeek
bambi blue

environmental:
david suzuki

inspirational:
tiny buddha
you quoted quotes

news:
cbc
nytimes business
reuters
anderson cooper

business:
ibm cognos
pragmatic marketing
whole foods

local:
Ask Around Ottawa
suze muse
ryan anderson

Marketing 101

I had an old 27" JVC TV, weighing about 100 lbs, that I decided I'd leave out on the sidewalk for someone to use, since I didn't need it any longer.

About 3 hours after leaving it outside in broad daylight, I was perturbed by the fact that no one had stopped to pick it up. I went outside to take a look, and saw that J had posted a sign on it that read "Works OK :-)"

I laughed out loud. "I think the same marketing principles apply even when you are giving something away for free. Let's try something a little more enticing", I said to J with a teasing smile. 

I returned to the street, masking tape and marker in hand. I flipped over the sign and wrote in bold letters "Works Perfectly & Free!"

15 minutes later, we watched as a couple stopped their car, shoved the TV in their backseat, and drove off.

I guess it is all about the marketing. 

caretaker

I had an incredibly powerful dream last night. It was filled with oceans and beach bungalows. Apart from the sunshine and the water, and feeling both on my naked skin, I was surrounded by people that I love.

In my dream, I would walk or wade to a hut, and would visit with the people inside. Sometimes they would share their troubles with me (fertility questions, career aspirations, emotional pain), sometimes I would physically repair some aspect of the hut that needed to be fixed (a roof, a door, or a part of the floor), and sometimes I would just quietly hold them. Let them feel a gentle touch and the love that was present. Once I felt that I could leave them in a place that was better than when I arrived, I would move on to the next hut.

I realized after a few huts that I was a caretaker. A caretaker of the souls of my friends and family. Someone charged with the purpose of making their lives just a little bit more peaceful. Someone who felt free and comfortable tending to their emotions and their lives. Someone who walked away feeling energized and content after being in contact with them.

withdrawal

I'm finding it to be a challenge to be here today:

Re-establishing myself on social media after spending so much time listening to the ocean

Re-integrating myself in my cluttered home after living off a couple articles of clothing and a pair of sandals for a week

Remembering all the lists of things I thought I had to do after reading my eyelids as I dozed in the sunshine

Re-acquainting myself with the frown in the middle of my forehead after laughing so hard that tears coursed down my nose

Re-connecting with friends and family after socializing with people from all over the world

Recharging my batteries after feeling like I could live on a week with no sleep just the constant buzz that comes from people and fun and laughter

Respecting the changes and the differences and reminding myself not to quiet the yearning that I feel

itchy feet

I love vacations. I love traveling. I love mixing the two together. 

I love using my time off to see new places. To experience things that I've never tasted, tried, touched, or taken in before. When I have these opportunities, I also get to experience myself in new ways. I learn what I am challenged by and what makes me uncomfortable. I learn where my soul loves to sing and what feels good to my spirit. I learn about where I can spread my wings and where my fears are triggered. 

By being away from my routine and my comfort zone, I remember to open myself up to people, I find my smile widen, I feel connected to the universe, I try to learn a few phrases in a new language to spark new life in old, rusty parts of my brain, I let go of my known and try to jump into the unknown to unearth the gifts and treasures that travel brings me. I also feel like I have an opportunity to break down prejudices and expectations, that tartar buildup that happens when we live privileged lives, and meet new people, one person at a time, and learn from them. 

Life is good. It amazes me. It fills me with so much happiness. And I intend to seize every opportunity I get to learn from it! 

So off I go, on another vacation adventure. I'll be back before you know it, and maybe I'll have a story or two to tell. 

bravery

I saw this posted today and thought it would be the right kind of message for me. For no other reason then as a reminder of where inner strength comes from.

"Many people believe that cynicism is the height of courage. Actually, cynicism is the height of cowardice. It is innocence and open-heartedness that requires the true courage; however often we are hurt as a result of it."

~Erica Jong

25 things

This exercise was circulating on Facebook and I actually completed it. : )

1. I feel overwhelmed with lists that describe myself because I truly believe I'm not all that interesting. What's interesting about me is that I enjoy listening to people to find out why and how they are interesting.

2. I love challenges - especially when it involves confronting my fears and things that make me feel uncomfortable. (See #1 and #10)

3. I love people and I get so much energy when I am around them. A smile, a laugh, a shared joke, a long involved story, a lot of emotion.. when people share themselves with me, I walk away feeling peaceful and rewarded.

4. I raced mountain and road bikes competitively for 11 years. I was never good at it because I didn't really like it.

5. I wish I could sing. I wish I could be that person on the stage that moves people to tears with their voice.

6. My favorite thing to do is walk the streets of a city at night - when sound is muffled, familiar shapes look different in the shadows and the world sleeps. I do this less now because it freaks people out (they worry about my safety) but I did it a lot when I had a big dog who used to walk with me.

7. I have never been in a physical fight before and a part of me wishes I could experience what it would feel like. Mostly because I wonder how much of a fighter I really am, and how scared I really might be.

8. I have lived an incredibly fortunate life for which I am very grateful for. I feel very guilty about why I was given such a life and other people have lived with so much pain. It doesn't seem fair to me.

9. I love to laugh and I laugh like an idiot. There is nothing graceful, beautiful, quiet or elegant about how I laugh, but I love to do it!

10. I have a short attention span at times, and am feeling that coming up with 25 things is going to challenge me....

11. See #2.

12. I am a very tactile person. My friends and family members know that I love to touch them, hug them, be connected to them physically. (And I'm sure it also drives them crazy.)

13. I give excellent massages and thought about going back to school for massage therapy. Thankfully, I can give people massages and satisfy my desire to touch AND make them feel comfortable and relaxed at the same time.

14. I'm a happy drunk.

15. I wish I could learn how to dance. I have "white" hips and I can't seem to move them rhythmically, at all.

16. I've just discovered how much I love little people and I've also discovered how few little people there actually are in my life that I am close to. I need to change this.

17. I strive to be honest about how I feel. I'm learning that some people feel alienated by it and others gravitate to it.

18. I believe in so many aspects of the Buddhist philosophy. It resonates very deeply in my soul.

19. I have a terrible memory. I don't remember places or events, movies, lyrics, or timeframes. I have very few childhood memories. I can remember numbers and birthdays, but that's about all. It disturbs me that I have no memories, but I seem to fill myself up with experiences on a day to day basis, and then I just let them go. Maybe that's why Buddhism speaks to me.

20. I have incredible dreams. I dream every night and dream in color. My dreams are sexual, playful, adventurous, exciting, and sometimes very scary.

21. I smile when I write emails as I believe that my good vibes get sent along with the words that I type.

22. 22 is my favorite number!

23. I love cigars.

24. I have amazing friends. I don't know how I've managed to find them over the years but they are, indeed, my chosen family.

25. I know that I need to do more in this world - to help make people's live just a little bit easier - I just haven't figured out where to begin.

exhaust fumes

I'm officially announcing this to be my project management post. I have so much noise going on in my head that I'm feeling paralyzed by the sheer volume of it all. 

I have ideas, worries, upcoming events, interests, compulsions, chores, obligations, dreams, needs, wants, silly thoughts, and a whole whack of things that I can't even categorize yet that keep swirling about in my mind.

I've decided to jot them down in the hopes that the practice of capturing them on (virtual) paper will free up some space to see opportunities and the energy to go ahead and tackle them.

I'm using bullets because I'm not interested in ranking them or prioritizing them right now. I just want to divest myself of them so I can breathe (and get ready for a weekend of play!).

• submit my mba application
  
• study for GMAT exam
  
• draw new photo I just downloaded
  
• finish reading the books by my bed ("Number Eight", "Grown up Digital","Hot, Flat and Crowded")
  
• figure out where to start implementing pragmatic marketing at work
  
• figure out where to start implementing e-marketing ideas at work
  
• stop worrying about figuring it all out before starting (see above)
  
• create a book on Spider for Sue
• see an allergist
  
• get travel vaccinations for Oman
  
• get international driver's license for Oman
  
• send a bday card and gift to Gina
• download new tunes
• have a vacation
  
• swim 3/week
  
• try out the workout DVD
  
• visit the little people I love
  
• visit the big people I love
  
• see Slumdog Millionaires and The Reader
• go to yoga 1/week
  
• finish Lego batman
  
• download and listen to TEDTalks podcasts
• laundry
  
• submit expense claims
  
• max out my RRSPs
  
• call home on Sundays
  
• talk to my sisters at least once every 2 weeks
  
• reply to all the friendly emails I've got in my inbox
  
• reply to all the unfriendly emails I've got in my inbox
  
• get laser hair removal
  
• stop chewing the inside of my lip because I'm getting wrinkles on my face 
  
• see my dentist for checkup
  
• stretch 
  

Hmm.. I didn't have any incredible insights about how tackle these items, but it did feel good to purge. Happy weekend everyone. Hope you find some peace of mind, too. 

swimming pool meditation

stroke stroke -- breathe
stroke stroke -- breathe

I was meditating during my swim last night. Letting the noise in my head sort itself out; length by length

stroke stroke -- breathe
stroke stroke -- breathe

Thinking about how I'll fit school into my day; Figuring out what it would mean to study for 3 hours a night (at a minimum), and reflecting on whether I could sustain that for a lengthy period of time.

stroke stroke breathe
stroke stroke breathe

Letting the old fears of school and that world of expectations and judgement, that I resist so vehemently, wash over me; like the waves I generated as I kicked in the water.

stroke stroke -- breathe
stroke stroke -- breathe

My demons of failure and insecurities around intelligence and academia and self worth, rose in me; like the exhalation of my breath in the pool. Bubbling to the surface.

stroke stroke -- breathe
stroke stroke -- breathe

I left the pool an hour later, completely drained. My heart was pounding and my body felt exhausted. I felt empty, with no resolution or decision made.

Just the peace that comes with knowing that the water will be there for me next time, and with it, more opportunities to let go. 

it's a new day, so sing

"The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom."

~ Maya Angelou

sigh

It's been a weary kind of day, today. I feel weighed down and fragmented from the people and things that give me energy and pleasure. I'm filled with a yearning for escape which often comes to me at the times when I am the neediness. As if I want to somehow flee from my very own self. As if I recognize the distaste for seeing and experiencing that part of me. Even my dreams, my sanctuary away from reality that often fill me with color and vividness and intensity, were filled with images of people I enjoy and care for being awful to other people in my life. I felt caught in the middle and very torn and woke with a deep sadness. I have a hard time knowing what my soul needs when I feel this way. I respond quickly to tough love; the voice in my head telling me to just suck it up and remember how lucky I am. The sharp sting of rebuke or a roll of the eyes. And yet, if, in the midst of this space, someone passes along a kind word or a gentle thought, I feel myself crack ever so slightly, feel my throat tighten in a great lump, and feel the tears come.

I don't feel in the mood to try and analyze where these feelings are coming from. I suspect I'll get some inkling from my dreams tonight. I'm off to bed to rest and sleep and wake tomorrow with a brand new day to start things all over again. Wishing you all peace.

quote of the day

"Do not travel far to other dusty lands.
forsaking your own sitting place;
If you cannot find the truth where you are now,
you will never find it."

- Dogen

Hope

I just read this job description from Seth Godin and it made me think about hope

What marketers actually sell
Not powder or chemicals or rubber or steel or silicon or talk or installations or even sugary water.
What marketers sell is hope.
The reason is simple: people need more. We run out. We need it replenished. Hope is almost always in short supply.
The magical thing about selling hope is that it makes everything else work better, every day get better, every project work better, every relationship feel better. If you can actually deliver on the hope you sell, there will be a line out the door.
Hope cures cynicism. Hope increases productivity. Hope needs no justification.

Maybe it's because today is the day that Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president of the United States, or maybe it's because it was Martin Luther King Jr. day yesterday, or maybe it's because we are feeling anxious about the wars going on the world and the economic crunch that makes our collective stomachs clench, or maybe because the winter days feel like they are getting longer and that spring is just beyond your finger tips away...

...whatever it is, hope feels very ripe today. It's in the air. People are looking for meaning in what they do, how they spend their time and money, what their existence is meant to be, who they choose to be with, what they do with themselves, what they want.

People are looking for hope and, I think, are much more receptive to hope. To smiles. To friendships. To opening themselves up to living life and all the beautiful things that come with embracing the moment.

little people

One of my favorite bloggers and "livers of life", Jen Gray, wrote this new post on the effect that a particular little person has on her life. She is fairy godmother and soul sister to this new little boy, and she captured how much my own spirit sings when I get to celebrate the little people in my own life.

i wish i lived right next door to his Mom and Dad so I wouldnt miss a single second of his beautiful life. thank you Boho's for giving me the time to cocoon down with my baby Godchild. i miss you, i miss him, and seeing all of you again, simply cannot come soon enough.....

I wish I could spend more time with them and I look so forward to each and every chance that I get to connect with them. They fill me with much joy and happiness and I know that I am blessed to have the opportunity to soak up as much love from them and with them as I can.

Clearing a space for change

I read this article from Daily Om titled "Clearing a space for change." It discusses the weight of objects, both physical and emotional, and how, when we hold on to things, we don't often have enough space for new life, new changes, new things to enter. 

And how, by purging ourselves of material goods, and emotional baggage, we can live a lighter life - be more responsive, freer to life's changes, open to new experiences. It also suggests that by making this space, we may find that our energy level will soar (as we aren't as bogged down as before) and that it can lead to mental clarity and an improved memory. 

I find it interesting that, while I don't profess to lead an exemplary life of simplicity, I am relatively unburdened by emotional and physical baggage. 

I have some basic furniture and a few sporting goods; I lease a small car; I rent a house, which I share; I have a very reasonable wardrobe, which I purge and prune every few months or so; I have a lovely number of people that I adore in my life, that I feel spoiled to have, but try not to have any expectations of them; I feel as if I've let a lot of the weight of the years go, despite the laugh and worry lines that are etching themselves on my face; I sleep easily and peacefully at night; I laugh easily;  I find I don't fret too much (except about myself).

But I have to tell you that my memory stinks! I wrestled with this very same concern a few years in another post: by letting go of all the things that remind a person of the past and potentially keep them there, am I also letting go of strong and powerful memories?  Of being a child? Of spending time with my family? Of taking vacations and experiences? Of being married? Of journeys I've taken? 

I don't have those memories. And if I do, I suspect they are somewhere deeply buried. I keep wondering if someday I'll just be flooded with them. Or maybe I'm just meant to live in the moment. And that is the lesson I must continue to practice. 

I guess time will tell. Or maybe, in my case, it won't. 

hibernation

It's a cold, cold day in Ottawa. And it's supposed to be even colder still, tomorrow.

I am connecting with my inner bear tonight and I'm going to hibernate.
I have a good book that I want to devour.
I'll light some candles (oh how I wish I had a fireplace!).
I'll snuggle into a pair of longjohn pjs, sans the bum flap.
I'll sip on some wine.
I'll listen to tunes.
I'll think about people I love.
and maybe I'll draw.

A night of connecting with myself, refilling my jug, and sending happy and positive vibes into the universe by recharging and relaxing.

be well.

Update: as I made my way home and felt the stinging cold that left me coughing, and I listened to the news about Nortel going bankrupt and the fighting in Gaza, I thought about how amazingly lucky I am in my life. Lucky to have a warm place for the night. To have clothes that keep me protected. To have peace in my world. To feel loved. To have a job. To have the awareness that I am incredibly grateful and humbled by my lucky life.

Mrs. Carr

“Let us ever behold the red and purple sunset.”
- words taken from the Native Canadian Prayer (a favourite of Illoma’s)

I was 17; a hyper, high-energy girl struggling with a severe eating disorder. Bouncing around the halls of a brand-new boarding school. Seeking attention and yearning to be popular and liked. Deeply saddened by the fact that I was neither. Feeling like I wanted to run away. Feeling wounded. Feeling like I was on the verge of taking a hold of my life and steering it in a direction that I wanted. For the first time in my life.

And there was Mrs. Carr. A woman who's face is blurred in my memories but whose words and essence changed my life.

I just remember how I would meet with Mrs. Carr every week. How we would talk about the things that I was struggling with in my life. How she would pay attention to my feelings and my intensity and my fears and my anger. She listened. At a time in my life when I felt very lonely and found it very difficult to express all the noise that was inside of me, I found a sanctuary in her office. I found a quietness. I found a place where I was treated as an adult and where my choices and my decisions were accepted and respected.

I think it was a first for me. To be on the receiving end of such empathy and compassion and freedom. There were no control issues. There was no insinuated hierarchy. There were no rules. There was nothing more than what was happening in the moment. She was Illoma and I was Lisa and I would talk and she would listen.

She had a profound and lasting effect on me. I can't articulate the kind of gift of freedom she gave me. The kind of life lessons she passed along to me when she told me to trust my instincts, to believe in myself, to listen to my soul, to follow what made me happy.

Life lessons that are coming back to me full circle tonight as I say goodbye to her.

Thank you, Mrs. Carr. Rest in peace.

bringing my worlds together

I've been having so many dreams lately about bringing my different worlds together.

I moved around a lot as a child, teenager, and adult. I went to many different schools, lived in different cities and different countries. I traveled a lot.
At times, I was literally across the country from what I had known before.

Being a social person, and one who derives a great deal of pleasure and energy from interacting with people, these different parts of me would often collide in my dreams.

I'd host parties and large gatherings where all these different people and all these different places would intersect. Connections would be forged. Threads would be woven together. I'd walk through dream rooms and feel a thrill of satisfaction and immense relief to see people who had never met in real life, interacting and enjoying each other, as I always suspected they might.

And feel my fragmented parts be reassembled.

I think it was a very necessary and healing thing for me to experience those dreams. It helped me, in real life, remember all those segmentations that were in my life, and to keep things straight, and, at the same time, have a chance to bring things together, at a subconscious level, so that I could make sense (or order) of that which was so disparate.

Like putting the puzzle pieces together to make a picture of my life and the people and places and textures that make up my life. Giving me a chance to wake up in the mornings and feel whole.

So now, at a time when there are many momentous events happening to people around me and to myself (new babies, new moves, new homes, new jobs, new separations, weddings, connections, opportunities, discoveries, losses) it seems to spark a need in me, like the ignition of a long fuse, to explode into a series of very vivid dreams.

Dreams of parties and long conversations. Of catching up with people. Of saying goodbye. Of introducing people to each other. Of watching connections being made. Of navigating a sea of confusion and finding a sort of logic. Of electricity between people. Of seeing familiar faces and memories merge in a common space. A common space in my soul, no doubt.

My puzzle pieces are coming together. Again. For now.

neighbors

as i watch them
drifting down
these little crystals of light
that land in mountains
of winter magic

i am reminded
of his surly soul and angry spirit
raging against the world
that raw, open ache
he hides behind cold eyes

and how
the bridge was built between us
with a small smile and a gentle touch

a plank of wood
laid down across a couple of stones
precarious over the white waters of the ocean
that acts as the chasm

a simple peace offering
that is passable
if you are careful not to slip

-- lml dec 2008

thinking about 2009

I love new beginnings!

I'm an Aries, inspired to start fresh, excited to try new things; not always great at the finishing part...

Hence the fact that 2008 is not even over and I'm dreaming about the NEW YEAR.

I have some travel destinations; an exotic Arabian desert oasis in the spring and some beach time in the middle of winter with a beautiful friend - just the two of us!

I have some career plans; many challenges and opportunities ahead of me and, if all goes well, school in the fall.

I have personal desires to be closer to my chosen family; to take the time and give my energy to celebrate each of them and what they mean to me.

I want to live each moment to the fullest; to seize life passionately and intensely and make the most of what I have and what I experience.

And, I want to try to be creative; to dance, sing (Rockband!), draw, pick up my neglected guitar, write the poems that resonate in my soul and do the things that fill me with pleasure.

Here's to a new year! 

As it just begins to unfold to take me on this magical journey called life.

- lml Dec 30, 2008

happy holidays

listening to silent night

thinking about the families that are together

this season

all shapes and sizes and colors

thinking of the laughter, love and happiness

that comes from being in the spaces

that overlap each of us

feeling the love being celebrated and shared around the world

as tears course down my face.

tis a beautiful season;

one that brings people close

and fills my soul with peace.

happy holidays

- lml dec 20, 2008

Surprise!

I had a deliciously long laugh with Hana today, when I called her to get the inside scoop on a surprise that Sandy was cooking up for Saturday night. Naturally, Sandy wouldn't tell me his plan......but Hana offered up some tips:

Apparently I need to be dressed and ready to go in my outdoor gear because we are going Wild Turkey hunting. I should bring all my SAR gear because it will be cold outside and we may get lost, and I need an extra bag to carry the dead turkeys in, because we will be skinning and de-feathering them later. And that I shouldn't worry, because Sandy's friend T will show us how to do everything.

That's what I get for being curious, I guess. ; )

drawing

I was spoiled a few months ago with an easel for my creative space. I'm nestled into a corner of the office. On the wall is a Tibetan prayer flag, and behind me is a collage of photos of friends and family members. 

Since my drawing class is over, I've decided to continue "going to class" by dedicating an evening a week to drawing. It's SO much fun! I peruse pictures on my favorites sites (like nerve.com) to find inspiration, put my music on, roll up my sleeves, and dig in. I emerge a few hours later, like waking up from a deep sleep. It's a lovely, meditative way to let go and be creative.

I drew this one last night and I'm really quite pleased with how it turned out. 

Here's to many more drawing adventures! 

Is the Internet Full?

I just read this post on Seth Godin's blog. He's a hilarious (and brilliant) guy and in a few short paragraphs seemed to sum up some of the angst that people feel around the Internet. See his post: Warning: the internet is almost full.

His post, at least in my mind, seems to address our anxiety about finding data, dealing with copious amounts of information, weeding through clutter to get to the good stuff, balancing the "more" mentality that exists with less, staying on top of everything, being thought-leaders, and fighting off our urges for the quick(er) and fast(est).

Here's a snippet

Ten years ago, you had a shot of at least being aware of everything that mattered. Five years ago, you had to be really selective about what you took in, but at least it was possible to know what you didn't know. Today, it's impossible. Today, you can't even read every article on a thin slice of a thin topic.

Exhausting, isn't it?

celebrating

I've given myself permission
to decorate my spirit
in the scent of holiday pine.
In the sound of snow crunching underfoot.
In the laughter of loved ones
as they lean closer to my soul;
leaving footprints.
Tracks that imprint themselves on me.

My heart aches
and the moment is open to me;
captivated by the mistletoe
and the frost that sparkles against your cheek.

And as my hand curls around
the steaming ceramic mug
brimming with the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg,
I can feel the heat cascade into me
and, like a golden globe dangling from your tree, I glow.

-lml Dec 8, 2008

smiling

when i feel the most troubled
when i feel prodded and poked
achy and uncomfortable in my body

when i feel feverish and fired up
raging and raucous
when pointed barbs embed themselves
just under the surface of my skin

and i feel that tumble of emotions
bouncing against themselves with their urgency
to spill forth and assert themselves

i remember to smile
to myself

i feel my face relax
i feel my eyes moisten
i feel quiet

and like i would at a child as i watched their antics, i smile with indulgence
at myself

and i watch as, for the briefest of moments, the turmoil is stilled.

new words

I wrote this awhile ago. It's a bit of a departure for me - the statements are fleshed out more. It feels more like a story and less like a poem, in some respects. I like experimenting with new words, new feelings, and how to write about what it feels like to be connected with someone physically, and emotionally.

I lay in the darkness
the world made blacker still
by the thoughts swirling around my head.

And I listened to that drone of voices,
repetitious and persistent,
drowning out my sanity.

My heart aching,
compressed by an unknown sorrow
clenched tightly in the vise grip of pain.

Brushing aside the curls that lay
nestled on the nape of my neck
You leaned in with your lips.

I felt the heat of your skin;
your warmth embrace me
as your limbs found their home.

The pressure of your touch,
your arm pulling me deeper into your soul.
And I lay, amazed, at how the world disappears.

ebb and flow

Learning new things, being flipped in multiple directions, is a crazy experience.
It's fun and it's hard.
It can leave you feeling exuberant and crushed.

On a daily basis, I'm feeling this see-saw of impatience and being overwhelmed.
The tug of war of feeling like I've got a good idea well within my grasp, and then, quick as a flash, feeling like I need to retreat to a corner to lick my wounds and wonder how it all went askew.

The tide pulls me.
Like a current, it spills towards me
advancing
building
cresting
and I am lured into that pool;
deeper and deeper I go.
Until the ideas crash on the shore
tumbling and bursting forth;
the culmination of inspiration.

And then the ebb begins
slowly
withdrawing
inching away from the beach.
Leaving the earth barren and arid.
Dizzy from want.
Until the thirst is too much for the sand
and the water is ready to return.

- LML November 27, 2008

animal crackers in my soup

I have been dreaming massively and vividly since I started my new job. No surprise, since everything feels new and different and challenging. I love how my dreams merge the wacky with day-to-day events, sprinkled with some subconscious wisdom. They are colorful and active and seem to last the entire night long. I love dreaming.

Take last night's dream. I was going to open an animal reserve. For elephants and tigers, naturally. 8 elephants and a pasture of tigers. With little Chloe (real cat) thrown in, since she loves to investigate.

One could extrapolate that the new business adventure in my dream has some kind of relationship to my new career. And one could see the connection between animals being symbolic of things that may or may not be a part of myself.

Let's see...

Elephant
To see an elephant in your dream, indicates that you need to be more patient or more understanding of others. Or perhaps there is a memory that you are holding on to for too long. You need to let go of the past. The elephant is also a symbol of power, strength, faithfulness and intellect. Alternatively, the elephant's introverted personality may be a reflection of your own personality.

Eight
Eight stands for power of authority, success, karma, material gains, regeneration, and wealth. When the number eight appears in your dream, trust your instincts and intuition.

Tiger
To see a tiger in your dream, represents power and your ability to exert it in various situations. The dream may also indicate that you to take more of a leadership role. Alternatively, the tiger represents female sexuality, aggression, and seduction.

tell me why... I don't like Mondays

It's funny how you can fill your weekend with friends, fun, relaxation, good food, good rest, some exercise, and lots of laughter and hugs, mix in a funny movie, some Rock Band, a happening party, lots of Web surfing, cuddles with cats, fresh new bed linen, clean laundry, fresh bagels and hot coffee in bed...

...and STILL want to crawl back into bed on a Monday morning! 

: )

random thoughts from the first few days

• Internet access restrictions stink. Big time.
• Bring more snack foods to work...I get hungry at 2pm and there is no food.
• Free green tea, coffee and hot chocolate. Yum!
• I wish I could just plug in and learn like Neo did in the Matrix.
• Trying to figure out ways to stay on top of the latest Web and e-Marketing news via Outlook. *sigh*
• It takes so long to ramp up - I want to contribute, now!
• Everything is new.
• It is a very quiet office. So quiet that you can hear me chewing gum. And it echoes.
• Welcoming the newbie with Police "Do Not Cross" tape and the outline of a body scares the heck out of a lot of people but it made me howl. Awesome!
• Physicians are a unique breed - smart, demanding, with really short attention spans.
• Yay for Twitter!! (They probably just don't know about it.. but it's my lifeline right now.)
• I miss all the familiar faces that come from being in a place for so long.
• I really need to start walking to work. The 4 minute drive on the 417 seems just wasteful. Plus, I'd get in shape finally.

travel lust

I watched a video that a colleague put together about his 6 month travels to Southeast Asia. Oh. My. God!

I decided, after salivating from his pictures and his videos, that when I turn 40, yes.. that bigass milestone, I'm going to take a year off to travel the world, or at least travel a big chunk of it.

Here's my list of places that I am lusting after. It's a small list. One that I'll keep adding to, I know.

Turkey
Spain
Laos
Jordon
Vietnam
Jamaica
Petra
Morocco
Australia
Greece
Cambodia
Belize
Tunisia
Chile
Namibia
Malaysia
Indonesia
Brazil

The good news for my itchy foot is that I am due to hit a country in the Arabian Peninsula in April 2009 - Oman!

9,999 and still going strong.....

Malcolm Gladwell, author of Blink and The Tipping Point, suggests that culture, luck, and 10,000 hours are the key criteria to be successful.

Not happiness, mind you. Success.

10,000 hours at 24 hours a day means 416.66 days. That's 1 year and 51 days of NONSTOP focus and practice (or 9.15 YEARS at 3 hours a day) to become successful at something. Flying a plane. Mountain biking. Writing. Photography. Playing guitar. Designing fashion. Marketing. Software development. Making beer. Calligraphy.

Me? I have the attention span of a gnat. I like to sample. I like to nibble. A little of this, a little of that. OK, I'm moving on.

This may be why I'm not the master of something. Yet.

Noise

swirling thoughts
swinging moods
suspended animation

clutter
clanking around in my mind
a cacophony of sounds

distractions
distortions
distance between body and mind

feeling forgetful
focusing on the futile
fidgety

waiting
worrying
wondering

realizing that
presence
peace and
persistance

is what is necessary.


- lml, November 3/08

dreaming of oceans

Snow has arrived in Ottawa. It won't last, I know. (Or it will last for 6 months and then disappear.) 

I love the snow.

I love the scent of the cold air in my nostrils, and the way the snow crunches under my feet. 

I like the way my eyelashes will freeze together and how my breath makes ribbons when I breathe.

 I love the magical way that ice hangs on bare branches - somehow adding nature's glitter to the stark greyness that seems to permeate everything. 

How the moonlight gets magnified by the crystals of the snow's surface - so much so that a walk at 9 in the evening can feel like the dawn might be just breaking. 

I love shoving frigid fingers into the warm envelope of friend's pocket, the heat tingling my skin so quickly it stings.

The way smoke from a chimney seems to wind it's way around my nostrils and infuse me with peace and calm, the way a hearth might have greeted a weary warrior in days gone by.

I love all these aspects of winter. Especially how it makes me yearn for heat and sunshine.

How I fight the change of temperature with denial and disgust.

And I dream of oceans, warm water, fresh fruit and the luxuries of the tropics.

surfers

slick black bodies

bobbing

waiting for the gust of white

watching

silhouetted against the sun

solitude

crashing against the current

calmly

opening themselves to the ocean

outside.

 -lml may 2006

being social

Last week I attended my first Social Media Breakfast in Ottawa. 

I loved the fact that a community of people got together to discuss online communities of people who have shared interests in the world of networking, media, marketing and business. These layers of interconnectedness made me smile: people tweeting about the commentary that took place at the breakfast; bloggers meeting each other face to face for the first time, only recognizing each other by their respective handles; iPhones flashing as pictures and live "stills" were taken of the event and immediately uploaded to YouTube and Facebook. It felt edgy and surreal to be there, like we all knew we were on the cusp of something really different. Like a tiny crack in time was open and we had a glimpse of the future.  

I'm a devourer of anything social media. I have Google Alerts send me daily news about it. I read social media blogs. Many of the people I follow on Twitter are recognized in the industry as being gurus. I tweet. I post on Facebook. I have a blog. I get regular feeds. I tag content and bookmarks. 

My favorite pastimes are to peruse the pages of Tweets (on Twitter) and Facebook and see who's connected to whom, what they are talking about, what they are reading, what they are looking at and commenting on. I wouldn't say I am one of the creators of any of the tools or applications of social media, but I'm fascinated by all the variations that social media and social networking is bringing the world of business and human interaction. 

I think it's a natural extension of my own personality. As human beings we are connected. To each other. To the world around us. And so, by extension, our lives tend to overlap in places. We have similarities. Shared experiences. Common friends. Together, this intertwining of worlds and lives reminds me that we are meant to be a community. Our physical lives may be separated by miles, but we thrive when we can build communities of knowledge, information, support, and interest. 

It's a natural leap to move from personal networking to social networking for business. And this is what brought me to the breakfast in the first place. I'm simply marking this point in time with a blog because I'm very curious to see what the next 3-5 years will bring. 

The Gulper

My father is a firm believer in the adage "everything in moderation". He lives an exemplary life of doing a little bit of everything. He starts his day off with a glass of water, a piece of fruit, a little sweet, and a cup of strong, dark coffee. Not too much. Not too little. He is at peace with living simply and living conventionally.

I, on the other hand, am an excessive person. I drink heartily, I laugh boisterously, I play frequently. I love without reservation. I eat too often and too much. I watch too many movies. I love sleeping in. I love staying up all night. I relish chugging contests. I get hyper and goofy when I am around a lot of people. I am loud. I talk with wild hand gestures. I can spend a week on the couch and then go out for a 5 hour bike ride. I buy clothes impulsively and then give them away when they don't fit me. I enjoy being up for anything - and usually am.

In other words, I take great big gulps of life which sometimes leave me intoxicated, overstimulated, depleted, dangerous, and dizzy. Oh how I enjoy that!

artful living

the threads of us
our individual yarns of textures
each colored by our experience
and the exposure to life's adventures and light
wove themselves together as we talked

our stories mingled and danced
unearthing our desires and unspoken dreams
reflections that made us smile as tears spilled from our eyes
the pauses and silence
enhancing the fabric of our gathering

over the hours we connected and quilted a pattern of friendship and laughter, soul food that wraps me in warmth and love

-- lml Oct 2/08

gratefulness

There are so many things that I am grateful. I was inspired by a good friend's post to spend some time immersing myself in a world of thankfulness.

I am grateful for

jumping into puddles with little people.
having delicious coffee in bed, delivered by an equally delicious person.
being able to tackle the mountain of work in a relaxed, comfortable environment.
getting invited over for a delicious dinner with some new friends and lots of interesting, stimulating conversations.
good books and great blogs that I enjoy reading.
filling my refrigerator with healthy, nutritious, scrumptious food.
phone calls from my sisters.
taking a long walk through the streets of Ottawa and soaking up the sights and sounds.

Enjoy your respective weekends!

life is good

I like this life. It's difficult and it's often hard to know which end is up, but it's so good. 

...and sometimes when you take a good, hard look at what you have, you find the most unexpected and joyous answers.

I like that you can find that laughter and that love, all that stuff you crave and that you yearn for deep inside of yourself,  just over there.  All you have to do is remember that it may not come in the shape you were expecting, or the package you may have wanted. But it is there.

And solitude - it seems to be just an illusion. We create this perception for ourselves that we are alone. Cuddle up to a cat sometime. Feel that purring - their pure contentedness at being connected with you. We Are All Connected. 

Most of us don't understand this concept, and it's an incredibly vast and abstract thing to try and wrestle with. But when you take it down to its basic level.... like a cat rubbing her head against your hand, or a smile that you may share with someone in an elevator, or the great fun you can have on a weekend with perfect strangers (if you just let yourself)... it makes perfect sense.

I don't have any answers for a lot of the questions that buzz around in my head. The noise that beats me senseless in the pre-dawn hours of the morning, while my physical body is too sleepy to fight back. 

But I feel like I can find these answers when I give myself permission to find them. Usually when I can pause... and breathe. And smile. Life is good. 

realizations

I realize that I give a lot of myself when I am with people.

I watch my essence weave itself around the antics, laughter, and sheer forcefulness of another's personality.

Like tendrils of smoke wafting from a lit cigar, I evaporate into the sky.

I believe this to be a gift. For it happens so naturally - like I am an extension of the person I am with. I get so easily caught up in their lives and their personalities.

Sometimes, though, it feels like there is a cost. That a part of me gets lost, and that I am unable to retrieve me after being with someone for a period of time.

For I leave some people feeling more alive than ever! Electrically charged and animated. Like I've drunk deeply of their souls and filled my cup to the brim at the same time. It's an intoxication that makes me thrive.

And I leave others feeling hollow and weak. Empty and dry, like the dead husk of a plant. Full of sadness and yearning, feeling depleted and bare. And needing to take myself off to a quiet room, to heal.

I suspect the only difference between the two is how far I am willing to go - how much I am willing to give. But I don't know that I want to give up the one for the other. Because in order to experience the intoxication, I must be willing to let myself go, just as easily and wholly as I can.

a day in the life of a......person using conté for the first time

I had my first drawing class last night. It was sooooo HARD. I am happy because I sensed a good progression in me, over the three hours. My proportions of people are terrible. Bellies become distended and Buddha-like. Feet get crammed in at the bottom of the page, because I didn't leave enough room for them. Legs are too short, and heads are two-three times too large. But by the end of the evening, I was getting better at measuring. ; )

This is a beginner life drawing class. When we first started the class, I discovered that I'm not in a class with ANY beginners, which made me laugh. There was one woman who said she was a beginner to life drawing, but has been drawing for a long time. Luckily, for me, the instructor was very open to giving me lots of instruction. Which I totally need!! Hehe....

We did some interesting drills - spent the first 30 minutes doing a warmup. We had 2 minutes, using contour lines, to draw the model in whichever pose she was in - ensuring that we captured the entire body and that the proportions were correct (demanding teacher!). The intent of this drill is to learn to see the body in its entirety - to take a photo of the whole figure with your mind - and capture the essence of that pose. Learn what stands out - the elbow, the way the head is titled, the angle of the knee, etc. By working quickly, you don't have time to become paralyzed (by fear and doubt) of your drawing. You focus on the model and the pose.

After the warmup, we went through a series of 15-20 minutes to draw a pose, using the extra time (as if!) to do shading, etc. The time was gruelling for me... I would often get caught looking at my art and feeling overwhelmed and feeling angst. My instructor would come by and remind me to look at the model. That all the information I needed was over there, not in front of me on my easel. (She is this little petite woman, with the forceful personality of a drill sargeant.)

I learned to hold my pencil up to measure the size of the model's head, and then the size of the rest of her body, in proportion to her head. I'd stand there with my arm extended, one eye closed, a fierce concentration scowl on my face, and my finger measuring off a point on my charcoal pencil. A true artiste, non?

At the end, I often had a lopsided, disfigured Picasso-like person (I think). My instructor would come over, look at my drawing, step back to see it from far away, and then lean in again with a sigh and say "see this leg here.. this needs to be over here." And I'd get the giggles.

Then I'd peek over to the art from the (gifted!) man drawing next to me - I'd see these creations. His figures just popped to life. It was unbelievable what he would create in that time! He'd smile at me, give me a little wink, and say "That last one you did worked out well, eh?"

Yeah, right! ; )

practicing what I preach

I have been enjoying the last 4 years of my life a great deal! Life has been good to me, and I've enjoyed immersing myself in it to the fullest.

One of the things that I believe firmly for myself, is to live a life that is free. To be free and unencumbered in my relationships. To be open to life, however it unfolds; often in ways unexpected. To laugh and live joyfully. To be open to love and intimacy, without reservation, expectation, or cost.

All of these things make me feel peaceful. They make me feel calm and centered. They feel right. I haven't experienced angst or discomfort when I embrace it. I believe it's a very real part of who I am.

The reality, as a good friend mentioned today, is that sometimes it takes a great deal of courage to practice these things. I believe they are right for me, and I feel the full benefits of them when I practice them. However, there are times, like now, when I'm in the midst of a great deal of change and adjustment, that I am scared and I want to cling. I feel sad, and I want to set up illusions - boxes that neatly and safely preserve what I like.

I know that it is not reality. And that the truth, for me, doesn't exist in boxes and safety, but letting go and practicing that is sometimes very hard.

tempest in a teapot

What is bliss?

This is my bliss at the moment - being overloaded with work deliverables and deciding to work from home.

The house is quiet and empty. The cats are sleeping. I'm in my pjs and sipping a hot cup of coffee.

Ahhhhh!

The Luna Farm

Soft orange light
pierces through the sky
the scent of hay
and of dew dancing on the grass
wafts into the farmhouse window.

Like sentries, they stand in the dawn
sleek and elegant
heralding the new day as steam blows from their muzzles

Picturesque against the freshly cut wood of the arena.
Their presence embodies the sanctuary of this space.

- LML Sept 1/2008

a beautiful balance

doing repetitive, data entry tasks for work and watching Lara Croft, Tomb Raider

...a perfect way to bring the sublime into the mundane.

the changeling

the changeling sits
wistfully staring out the window

dreaming of different landscapes
of unfamiliar textures and tastes
that makes her senses buzz

astonished by the courage in her soul
that doesn't seem to materialize in the daylight
but draws her, as she lies in the darkness
her heart thumping in anticipation

she finds escape in fantasies
colors and shapes that swirl together
like a kaleidoscope
settling into a new pattern

that blazes in front of her
like a freshly carved trail
gouged into the side of a mountain

winding its way up to the skies
out of sight
but clearly imprinted on her soul

--lml august 2008

Asphalt Heat

The road, like my lover,
seduces me with its
smooth, taut surface.

With those sleek curves
that I ride,
undulating underneath me,
I caress each slope and valley.

Nestling myself in deeply,
the tangled limbs lie
like ribbons of highway,
spread out before me.

Waiting to be discovered.

I breathe in deeply
the intoxicating musk
of pleasure and freedom.

- LML July 2008

I don't know how parents do it!

A fabulous road trip with the windows open and the tunes blasting.
The hustle and bustle of a very busy household.
Huge hugs and spontaneous kisses from three loveable munchkins.
Cool lake water and excited screams after my arms launch them into the air.
Sticky chocolate fingers after eating Dr. Mike's famous ice cream.
Playing tag in the evening before dinner and making sure to run faster than the mosquitos.
The collection of all the towels and blankets in the house to build the best fort in the basement.
Hours creating pictures and art of swirls and cobras and the adventures of horses and princesses.
Watching one horse rider master her posting trot and jumping position.
Sitting on the patio with delicious dark, strong coffee in the mornings.
A rousing game of scrabble!
Watching Harry Potter all cuddled up on the couch.
Snapping pictures of the girls and capturing them in the moment: one with a snorkel and mask on her face.
Winding down before bed with freshly washed hair tickling my nose as I lean in for a kiss.
Starting it all again with the sun rise.

What a weekend!

Inspiration for the long weekend

The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain; mine or your own; without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful; be realistic to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine; and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of moon. "YES!"

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

Fancy Schmancy

I have to get this down because a) I'll never make anything like this in my lifetime and b) they gave me a printout of the tasting menu to keep!

I indulged in this meal at Beckta in Ottawa. Treat yourself one of these days - it is worth it!

Amuse
~ ~
Watermelon
Frozen Watermelon Sashimi, Grilled Asparagus,
Goats' Cheese, Sweet Lemon & Cucumber Sorbet
Riesling "Off Dry" Cattail Creek, VQA Niagara 2006
~ ~
Hierloom Beet
Crisp Pear Chips, Roasted Fennel, Spinach
Ermite Blue Fondue and Pear Cider Vinagrette
Sauvignon Blanc "Triomphe" Southbrook, VQA Niagara 2007
~ ~
Gnocchi
Fingerling Potatoes, Green Beans, Chanterelles,
Swiss Chard and Parsley Pesto
Gamay Noir "Estate" 13th Street, VQA Four Mile Creek 2006
~ ~
Intermezzo
Orange-Sesame-Sake Sorbet
~ ~
Spring Vegetable Tian
Pearl Barley, Fresh Spring Vegetables and
Mushrooms in a Tarragon Tea with Young Peas
Cabernet Sauvignon, Lyeth, Sonoma County, California 2006
~ ~
Cherry
Roasted Cherry Financier, Red Wine Soaked Cherries,
Buttermilk Sorbet, Toasted Almond
"Fine Old Tokay", Buller, Rutherglen, Australia N.V.
~ ~
Petit Fours

happy

filled with goodness
so overflowing
that smiles and positive energy
just spills forth
gushing and tumbling
coating my emotions
the way a warm coat
wraps itself around my body
as I luxuriate in its warmth
nestled deep
impervious to the elements

- LML June 2008

nature

My fondest memory (and earliest memories) of being and enjoying nature started when I was about 5 years old. It likely could have happened earlier, but I really only remember it from that point onwards. My family had a cottage in Vermont. After dinner, and just before we had to go to bed, my Dad had a ritual that he would do with my three sisters and myself. One at a time, he would wrap us up in a warm blanket, and carry us up to the top of this little hill that we had. He sat down on a log, cradling us in his arms, and we'd look at the stars. He would talk about the night sky, the stars that we could see, and how big the universe was, and how beautiful nature was. I remember feeling loved and warm and in awe of the gift of nature.

I love Nature. It's a huge part of my being, my spirituality, and my feelings of being connected to all living beings. We are all connected and I seek out nature to remind myself often that human beings are just a small part of that living, breathing, functioning organism that we call life. I find nature to be honest and real - there isn't a lot that is hidden or subversive. It makes sense to me and it fills me with wonder, peace, and great respect. **

**these comments came about because nature is our subject/theme at Toastmasters this week. The toastmaster, a lovely guy named Boby, wanted to get some people's perspectives and input about nature and their own personal relationship with nature. It gave me a chance to explore some beautiful memories that I haven't accessed in awhile.

Art & Inspiration: A Walkabout in the City

I enjoyed a couple of hours of walking along the streets of Ottawa today. I followed the CATwalk (Centretown Art Tour), and I literally walked into people's homes, soaking up their creativity and art.

I was really moved by the fact that the artists opened up their homes to strangers. It made it feel so intimate to look around at a creative person's space, get a chance to see them and talk to them, and check out how they live and work. Where they create. How they carve out a niche for themselves. And see, sometimes, the inspiration for those creations. I felt like I had been invited over to a friend's house to see their photo slide show. Invited to look at the pictures from their vacation or family reunion; Pictures of Uncle Bob and Aunt Jo eating their corn dogs or the family dog chasing after little Billy. Pictures that make you feel as if for some brief moment that you are a part of their family.

I think it added to the art in more ways than seeing pieces in a gallery. I suspect galleries are designed so that you are not distracted by the walls and paint colors and babies crawling around the floor, but I really liked how it added to the texture and accessibility of art.

A couple of times I walked away thinking, I should just go home and draw. Whether it's exactly what I want or what others want, I should just do it. And keep doing it. Over and over.

So I went home and drew. Just a little. And I felt like an artist. Just for a little bit.

wild women in the woods

There is something about fresh air and exercise, mountains and forested lushness that makes an average city girl like me* let go of all the tangled stresses and logistics of living in our world and breathe deeply, sweat copiously, laugh uncontrollable, and ache like an old woman.

I bonded this past weekend with four deliciously wonderful, wicked, gorgeous women. We hiked, laughed, moaned and bitched, sweat, soaked up the sunshine and company, and let our little balls of tangled messes unravel, slowly and surely, as we traipsed up and down the 4,000 foot peaks. Each deliberate foothold forced us to make room for nothing but balance and breathing. Pushed out the rest of the craziness that we create in our heads and made room for pure, simple, breathtaking bliss. We walked until we felt exhaustion and until the noise in our heads was stilled. And all that existed was the sunshine, the wind, the intoxicating smell of the evergreen trees, the boulders, the water, and us.

And each evening, over red wine and cards, we teased and laughed and commented and reflected on the day. Spilling into our bunks at night completed exhausted. And let the stillness of the darkness and the sound of the wind and rain outside lull us to sleep.

* albeit one that is a wee bit of a granola crunching hippie

the buzz

This is why I love poetry so much! When someone can write it as well as Erica Jong.

Hope everyone has a beautiful long weekend - make the most of the sunshine, the rain, the people and animals that you love. Celebrate the country that we live in!

After the Earthquake

After the first astounding rush,
after the weeks at the lake,
the crystal, the clouds, the water lapping the rocks,
the snow breaking under our boots like skin,
& the long mornings in bed. . .

After the tangos in the kitchen,
& our eyes fixed on each other at dinner,
as if we would eat with our lids,
as if we would swallow each other. . .

I find you still
here beside me in bed,
(while my pen scratches the pad
& your skin glows as you read)
& my whole life so mellowed & changed

that at times I cannot remember
the crimp in my heart that brought me to you,
the pain of a marriage like an old ache,
a husband like an arthritic knuckle.

Here, living with you,
love is still the only subject that matters.
I open to you like a flowering wound,
or a trough in the sea filled with dreaming fish,
or a steaming chasm of earth
split by a major quake.

You changed the topography.
Where valleys were,
there are now mountains.
Where deserts were,
there now are seas.

We rub each other,
but we do not wear away.

© Erica Mann Jong

New Career: Adventure Planner?

I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list. ~ Susan Sontag

I had a really fun weekend getting all my gear organized for hiking this coming weekend. I LOVE the process of finding my gear, replenishing old and used stock (i.e. for my First Aid kits), packing my snacks into ziploc bags, putting my toiletries into little tubes/containers, sealing things up, and systematically checking off the items on my gear list.

HOURS of entertainment, I am not kidding you. : )

tears on a Wednesday

I'm not sure why, but this quotation made me cry, today.

there are things you do because they feel right
and they may make no sense and they may make
no money and it may be the real reason we are here:
to love each other and to eat each other's cooking
and say it was good ~ brian andreas

There's something about the simplicity of loving someone and partaking in that meal with someone you enjoy and celebrating it all.

Sharing the simple nourishment that comes with food and the social comfort that we feel when we immerse ourselves in that intimate and satiating tradition.

Realizing that you can take the time away from all the noise and craziness in your day, and the way time seems to ooze through our fingers like oil, un-graspable, thick and heavy with promise, leaving a residue of memories and photographs.

Finding that sanctuary in the simplicity of love, the uncomplicated free love that we all know, that emanates from our souls, and that, thinking it is somehow wrong or inappropriate or feared, we hide and bury behind our walls of protection and our fears and insecurities.

And allowing ourselves to feel - making choices because they feel good and they feel right - irregardless of the logic or intelligence. Simply trusting our bodies and our souls; listening to hearts and our wisdom; finding that smile that exists just there. For no other reason, than because it does.

Indy and the next generation

I saw the latest Indiana Jones movie last night. It was good - it seemed authentic and the cinematic quality was just like the previous 3 films. The cheesiness was there, the inspired theme song came out in full force, and you could feel that the audience really liked Indy and was happy he was back.

I have to say that I enjoyed the movie even more because of the cute 7 year old boy sitting next to me. He couldn't wait to tell his parents that "She is evil," when Cate Blanchett appeared. He got so excited during the car chase scenes. "Cool! Yah! Mom, he's the best!" There was a scene with a lot (a LOT!) of ants. It was good and creepy, and I heard him cry "That's gross!" Just about the same time I did.

It was fun to experience this movie with the next generation of Indy fans. It reminded me about the simple pleasures of a movie experience. A little drama, a lot of action, some cheesy dialog, good theme music, and a whole lot of fun!

Fun fun fun, in praise of fun!

Here's the daily OM message for today. I loved this!!

Remember The Light Side
In Praise Of Fun

Often when we talk about fun, or doing things just for fun, we talk about it in a dismissive way as if fun isn’t important. We tend to value hard work and seriousness, and we forget to pay our respects to the equally important, light side of silliness and laughter. This is ironic because we all know the feeling of euphoria that follows a good burst of laughter, and how it leaves us less stressed, more openhearted, and more ready to reach out to people. We are far more likely to walk down the street smiling and open after we’ve had a good laugh, and this tends to catch on, inspiring smiles from the people we pass who then positively influence everyone they encounter. Witnessing this kind of chain reaction makes you think that having fun might be one of our most powerful tools for changing the world.

Laughter is good medicine, and we all have this medicine available to us whenever we recall a funny story or act in a silly way. We magnify the effects of this medicine when we share it with the people in our lives. If we are lucky, they will have something funny to share with us as well, and the life-loving sound of laughter will continue to roll out of our mouths and into the world.

Of course, it is also important to allow ourselves to be serious and to honor that side of ourselves so that we stay balanced. After a great deal of merriment, it can actually be a pleasure to settle down and focus on work, or take some time for introspection until our next round of fun begins.

blowing in the wind...

Do you ever have those moments where you feel as if your body is dutifully going about the tasks that make up a regular, ordinary, comfortable existence?

And your soul is just screaming to be let out to play.

All these signposts are around you...

...Your friend posts a quotation on her blog the other day: I am bigger than the life I lead.

And "yes!" your soul cries "I really am. Let me show you!"

...A colleague sends you a web site link for a pair of shoes called the Five Fingers. Plastered on the page is the glorification of freedom of another kind:
barefooting (bare•foot•n) n. 1. The exhilarating joy of going barefoot without leaving yourself exposed; 2. any activity requiring unconventional footwear offering the protection of a thin, flexible Vibram skin; 3. an intelligent way to deepen your connection with your natural surroundings.

And your heart does a little leap of joy at the prospect of running naked in the great outdoors.

...You hear about people and companies that are doing things you would love to do!
Make people laugh. Fill your space with succulence. Do some good in the world. Create beauty.

And you quiver and shake with the intensity of need. "I want that for me!"

So what do you do? Stuff your face into a pillow and will it all to go away? Carry on dragging yourself through another eternity of a day? Dangle that big toe into the ice cold lake and prepare yourself for a tidal wave?

A Summer Toast

I had to write a toast for tomorrow's Toastmasters meeting. The theme is SUMMER.

I wrote this quickly - mostly because I am hungry and itching to get out of the house for some exercise. I scribbled this down on a pad of paper as I sat perched on my kneeling chair - one leg poised in a contortion, as if ready to make a mad dash to somewhere.

Although my mind was a bit scattered and distracted, the imagery came so easily.

And it dawned on me how much I enjoy this season.
How I wait for it for months and forget about the simple pleasures and incredible fun that lies in wait every moment during these short 12 weeks.

Here's a toast to SUMMER

to sunshine
green grass
gatherings of friends and family
lilac bushes
BBQ season
cold beer
summer holidays
ice cream
birds chirping at dawn
bare feet
impromptu cocktails on the back deck
campfires
outdoor music
picnics
brilliant sunsets
swimming
and all the things that are evocative of the warmest time of year with the longest days!

To summer!

rant rant rant

That last post was such a rant! Better call me a Waaaaaambulance. ; )

Here's a great article about blogging and exposing one's self to the world. I don't agree with everything that Emily wrote about. But she describes the draw and the world of social networking with ease and flourish.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/25/magazine/25internet-t.html?ref=magazine

the seesaw

I've bouncing around a lot, emotionally and physically, these last few weeks. Swinging from highs to lows, without really being on middle ground much. Either I'm shooting upwards, trying to touch the stars, hands extended up, up, up, feeling on top of the world... or my knees are up by my ears, as I smack the ground hard. Ouch.

The lows don't last long, nor do they particular hurt, they just sort of startle me.
Like a jolt. A smack on the ass. A shake-down.

The highs are all about the fun I've been having at work. I feel good about this move. I feel good about what I've learned in the last 7 months. I feel good about exploring my creative and business side. I like the people I'm connecting with. I like trying brand new things (like Podcasts! I am totally hooked on this audio world). I like thinking about living somewhere new. I like teasing my senses with the idea of moving. Living abroad. Traveling. I'm saving up money for that opportunity - whatever and whenever it might be - I have no idea.

The lows are more about my physical body. I just reached that landmark. I'm heavier than I've ever been IN MY LIFE. I know it's a number. But it's also how I feel - middle-aged, unattractive, stagnant, and undesirable . I am not sure where my sexy side has gone. I don't feel really light and playful. And I'm not sure where this belly arrived from, either. My clothes don't fit. I've had to buy larger and larger sizes. It's a very strange feeling...

But, as I said, the lows don't last long. I seem to push that anxiety to the side very quickly. It feels like I let it go, although I don't know if I'm fooling myself. I am working out more than I have in the last year. Which isn't a lot. It's simply more than I have for a long while. I don't really know how I got to be so sedentary. Funny how you can change. It seemed that before, all I ever did was exercise.

I know that what I can do is be active, have fun, and eat well. That the rest will sort itself out, if I give it enough time. At least, I hope desperately that this will happen.

Today is Friday, and I am embracing a fun, sunny, and active weekend ahead of me. I look forward to playing some tennis, doing yoga, going for a run, reading, winding down, reflecting, spending some time with friends, and laughing.
All good and beautiful things. : )

At least my soul is in good shape!